"And Death shall have no dominion..." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ranma Nibunnoichi: Monkey Business Written by David Tai and Paul Gallegos Based on characters created by Rumiko Takahashi ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 1: Akane dating Ryoga? Ranma disagrees! Original storyline and writing: David Tai Editing: Paul Gallegos ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Outside Tendo training dojo. It's a pleasant, calm, nice day...] Akane: [inside dojo] RANMA NO BAKA! [...at least until now. Ranma-kun comes running out, ducking pots, pans, tables, and various tools. Ranma stops, to take a breather.] Ranma: Whew. At least she didn't throw the [THUD!]... cake. [Ranma falls. Akane looks through the door.] Akane: Idiot! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Tendo kitchen. Kasumi is preparing what appears to be a delicious meal. On another counter, there is what appears to be ground zero of a nuclear explosion, but upon closer inspection, is apparently Akane's baking area. Akane walks in, fuming.] Akane: Stupid pervert! Kasumi: [tasting broth] So how did Ranma like the sponge cake? Akane: Why do I bother? Idiot can't appreciate a good cake, anyway! Kasumi: Well, perhaps if you use flour, instead of cement, he might appreciate the cake more. Akane: Humph. [She picks up the cake, and tosses it into the garbage, where it goes, "CLANG!"] [Nabiki enters, holding a letter]. Nabiki: Hey, Akane. There's a letter for you... from Ryoga. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Outside the Tendo dojo. Happosai is wandering by.] Happosai: [twirling a bra] Happy happy so happy... [Happosai spies Ranma-kun, unconscious. He gets a gleam in his eye.] Happosai: Oh boy! [Runs off.] [Ranma awakens.] Ranma: Urk. Hope nothing's wrong with me this time. [rubs head.] Bad enough I WANTED to be a girl last time I got hit... Happosai: [distant] BANZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ranma: What the---? [Happosai comes running, carrying a kettle of cold water. He throws the water at Ranma before noticing something: Ranma's awake, and in a very bad mood.] Happosai: Uh-oh. Ranma-chan: KYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Boots Happosai into the distance.] Boy, what a pervert. [turns around and goes into the Tendo dojo.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Happosai lands on a beach. Unfortunately, it happens to be near a nursing home. Happosai picks himself up. A couple of old ladies walk by. Seeing Happosai, they start chasing him. Happosai starts running for dear life.] Happosai: YEEEEEEEEEEECH! I'll get you for this, Ranma! [After a brief chase, Happosai manages to bury himself into the sand, posing as a sand castle. When the old ladies run by, Happosai shakes the dust off...] Happosai: Boy, you will be very, very sorry... [Happosai starts scheming. Then...] Happosai: Ah, what's the use? Everytime Ranma gets into a fight, he wins. Ryoga, Kuno, even Genma.... Ranma beat them all. Humph. There HAS to be someone... somewhere... sometime... who can beat Ranma somehow. [Happosai sits down dejectedly for a while, ignoring even the beautiful young nurses that wander by. Then...] Happosai: Waitasec... [gets gleam in his eye.] Sometime... [Happosai begins laughing...] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Dinner goes quietly. Akane is uncharacteristically quiet. Ranma, freshly-bathed and bandaged, is rather quiet, mainly because Akane's obviously not in the mood to argue. Nabiki keep glancing at Akane. Kasumi is oblivious. And Genma and Soun just keep eating. Finally, Nabiki speaks.] Nabiki: Akane? Just out of curiousity, what WAS in that letter Ryoga sent? Akane: ... None of your business. Ranma: Ryoga sent a letter? Where's the fool get himself to this time? Akane: ... He's in town. Ranma: He finally found his way back, huh? Akane: ... Ranma: Hey, lemme see the letter. Akane: NO! Ranma: Why not? Akane: It's... personal. Ranma: So? It's RYOGA! Akane: Mind your own business. Ranma: Hey, shouldn't a fiance be allowed to see letters? Akane: NO! Ranma: It must be in Akane's room... excuse me! [Ranma jumps up and starts running. Akane gives chase.] Akane: NO! [Bouncing up the stairs, Ranma reaches Akane's room. He opens the door and runs inside, only to find P-chan.] Ranma: Hey, Ryoga, where you been? P-chan: BWEE! Akane: [catching up] Don't touch that letter! Oh, P-chan... you're back. Ranma: Where IS that letter? YOWCH! [P-chan has just bitten Ranma on the ankle. P-chan bounces away, as Akane approaches.] Akane: OUT OF HERE! [Akane pulverizes Ranma, then throws him out of the room. With a loud CLICK, the door is locked.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Akane's room. Akane is re-reading the letter. P-chan stands nearby, watching Akane's expression. Finally, Akane sighs.] Akane: A date with Ryoga? Well... [P-chan looks up hopefully.] Akane: I guess I'll think about it. [Puts letter down.] Time for a bath, now. See you later, P-chan. [Akane leaves the room. P-chan looks pensive for a while, then leaves the room. Outside the window, a shadowy figure looks in... then opens the window.] Ranma: Ok, where's that letter now? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Ranma's room. Ranma-kun is sitting on the bed reading the letter.] Ranma: That DAMNED RYOGA! Asking my fiancee... what gall! [There's running footsteps outside Ranma's door.] Ranma: Uh-oh. [sticks the letter behind his back, just as Akane bursts in.] Urk. What do you want now? Akane: [furiously] Where's the letter?! Ranma: Uh, what letter? Akane: YOU KNOW WHAT LETTER! GIVE IT BACK! Ranma: You're actually thinking of going out with RYOGA? Akane: None of your business. Ranma: Why would you WANT to go out with Ryoga? Akane: I DON'T want to go out with Ryoga! Ranma: You're ENGAGED! Akane: To a perverted half-girl! Ranma: I'm NO PERVERT! Akane: Are too! Ranma: Damned girl! I should've let you fall in that man-pond! Akane: Just give me my letter! Ranma: Come get it! [A state of chaos result as Ranma leads Akane through a merry chase over, under, through, and around the Tendo dojo. Finally, Akane catches Ranma... and they go tumbling, into Akane's room. They end up in a face-to-face prone position. They stare into each other's eyes for some time. Then Akane's face turn furious, and she grabs the letter, and starts to storm off.] Ranma: [shouting after Akane] Crazy tomboy! How anyone could possibly have FUN around you is IMPOSSIBLE TO SEE! Akane: [turning on Ranma] You're saying you couldn't have a good time if I'm around, is that it?! Ranma: I could too have a good time! Akane: Hah! Big words. You CAN'T! Ranma: Yes I can! Akane: No you can't! Ranma: Yes I can! Akane: Prove it, coward! Ranma: Fine! 7:00, tomorrow night, idiot! Akane: Fine! Ranma: Good! Akane: Good! Now, GET OUT OF MY ROOM! [Akane kicks Ranma out through the window.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Meanwhile, Happosai is up to no good. Having made his way home, he's currently in his room, where he pulls out the nanban mirror from his pillow. He then takes out... his unwashed underwear.] Happosai: WAAAAAH!!!!!!! [begins crying. A drop falls on the mirror, which begins glowing...] Happosai: Take me to the Cave of the Water Curtain, China, 1,400 years ago! [And the mirror's effect begins... Happosai falls through time and space until...] [WHUMP!] [Happosai picks himself up, holding the mirror. He looks around. It's dark, moist, and humid, and there's a lot of chattering...] Voice: Who's there? Announce yourself! Happosai: [looking around in the darkness] Uh, who am I speaking to? [Two glowing red eyes appear in front of Happosai.] Voice: "WHO AM I SPEAKING TO?!" Perhaps you should be asking of yourself, "Why am I still able to talk?" Humph. Old man, let's not mince words. Tell me why you are here. [And Happosai begins to laugh.] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2: Fair Game Plot: David Tai and Paul Gallegos Written by: David Tai Edited by: Paul Gallegos -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [The next day, at the Tendo dojo. Akane and Ranma are sitting at the table, blushing, as Kasumi and Nabiki are smiling. Soun and Genma are jubilant, and already planning a wedding ceremony. Only P-chan seems furious.] Soun: So, son, where do you plan to take Akane? Ranma: Uh... I really hadn't given it much thought. Genma: How about the martial arts exhibtion over at Tokyo Center? Kasumi: How about a nice walk in the park? Nabiki: The movies? Soun: The ballet? P-chan: BWEE! [The dining room become a cachaphony of yammering and arguing as everyone begin offering their ideas. Ranma and Akane sit there, not looking at each other... until Ranma beckons Akane to follow him. They sneak out, leaving everyone to argue, except for P-chan, who slips into Akane's backpack.] Akane: Uh... Ranma? How about the movies? Ranma: Why not the martial arts competition? Akane: For what? Ranma: For the... d...d... event. Akane: What's wrong with the movies? Ranma: Boring. [A moment of silence, as Akane considers.] Akane: I've seen enough martial arts every day. Why would I want to see more? Ranma: Ok, fine, then WHAT? Akane: Let's just get to school. [They walk inside, pick up their backpacks, pull on their shoes, and leave everyone to argue. They start walking off into the horizon...] Ranma: How about the baseball game? Akane: No. How about the play? Ranma: Boring. How about ... [They disappear into the distance.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Furinkan High. Ranma and Akane are just arriving on the scene.] Ranma: ... the hockey game? Akane: No. How about the opera? Ranma: ARGH! Isn't there SOMETHING we can agree on?! Akane: What's left? Ranma: Humph. Hey... how about that fair that's coming tonight? Akane: Fair? Ranma: Yeah. Shampoo was telling me about it... Akane: Shampoo?! Ranma: Uh... well, never mind. Akane: Why would Shampoo tell you about it? Ranma: Uh... Akane: No way are we going to the fair! Ranma: Oh, come on. It's SOMETHING... and if we don't tell anyone else, we'll be fine. Akane: ... Okay. [glares at Ranma.] But if Shampoo shows up, I'll kill her. [They head into school. A rustle is heard from the bushes. Nabiki steps out from behind a nearby bush.] Nabiki: Finally, they agree on something. The fair, eh? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Nabiki's homeroom. Nabiki is talking to Kuno.] Nabiki: ... and so, it'll cost you 5,000 yen. Kuno: To know where Akane is going to be tonight? Nabiki: Yes. Pay up. Kuno: ... Is this any way to treat your future brother-in-law? Nabiki: Money, power, glory. That's my motto. [Kuno pays, albeit with some grumbling.] Kuno: There. Now where'll she be? Nabiki: At the fair. Kuno: Ah. Ranma Saotome? Nabiki: Another 5,000 yen. Kuno: Urk. [pays Nabiki.] Now, where'll Ranma Saotome be? Nabiki: At the fair. Kuno: WHAT!? Together?! Nabiki: Another 5,000 yen for the answer to that. [Kuno is about to explode. However, an eraser comes flying by and hits Kuno. Kuno wheels to see the teacher staring at him.] Teacher: Kuno. Outside. You know the drill. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [The rest of the day, Ranma and Akane are barely paying attention in class. Kuno is not even paying attention. And P-chan is busy fuming in Akane's backpack. It's almost a relief when the school bell rings, signifying the end of school. The Principal stands at the gate trying to stop students from leaving, but Ranma and Akane jump over him and start for home.] Ranma: Umm... Akane. You go home. Akane: Hmm? Why? Ranma: Trust me. Go home. I got something to do. [Akane wonders, but walks home as Ranma takes a turn toward the shopping district of the city.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Dinner is nearly over, when Ranma sneaks into his room through the window. He drops off his purchases, then runs downstairs, jumps in front of Genma, just as Genma is tilting Ranma's dinner towards his mouth, and gulps down the falling food. Then he quickly runs back upstairs again, leaving everyone wondering.] Nabiki: What's with Ranma? [The answer is quickly given as Ranma comes downstairs, holding a bunch of flowers.] Ranma: Here, Akane. [Shoves flowers at Akane.] Akane: Ranma! They're... beautiful. Ranma: [in a whisper] Don't get me wrong. It's traditional to give flowers. Akane: Oh. [Is that a disappointed tone? She hands the flowers to Kasumi, who goes into the kitchen to put the flowers in water.] Ranma: [sighs] I guess we should be going. Akane: Okay. Soun: Hey, hold on. Where are you going? Ranma: Uh, somewhere. Genma: And exactly where is somewhere? Ranma: None of your business! C'mon, Akane, let's go! [Ranma and Akane leave. Soun looks at Genma.] Soun: Uh, Saotome-kun... isn't that the Courting Ritual Ranma just did? Genma: Yes, but don't tell him that. Come on! Soun: Come on? Why? Genma: You don't seriously think we're leaving our families' futures up to those two??? We better go and make sure they stay together! Soun: Ah. I like your thinking. Quick! [Soun and Genma run after Akane and Ranma. Nabiki is left shaking her head.] Nabiki: I'll bet 100,000 yen the fair isn't left standing. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [The fair! Bright lights, whirlwind chatter, merchants hawking their wares. The sights threaten to overwhelm Akane and Ranma, but they quickly adjust. Ranma drags Akane to the bumper cars, where they take perverse pleasure in ramming each other. They ride the whirling teacups, ride the super slide, throw darts, and play games. Ranma wins a stuffed panda, which he hands to Akane. And surprisingly, the entire time, they're laughing and just having fun. They take a ride on the ferris wheel, and at the top, they start pointing out sights to each other. The animal exhibit, the little white monkey hopping around, Ukyou's okonomiyaki stand near a large water tank (Akane is not pleased Ranma chose to point it out), and a dance over at the far end of the fair. They wander from place to place, before coming to a tent. Outside the tent, a sign hangs, saying, "Madame Musk! Learn your futures! Learn your true love!"] Akane: C'mon, let's go in. Ranma: Why? It's nothing. Akane: I'm curious. Ranma: We don't have a future together, so why bother? Akane: COME ON! [drags Ranma inside.] [A dark musky smell hangs over the room. The only source of light appears to be coming from the crystal ball sitting on the table in the middle of the room. Akane and Ranma look at each other, then slowly sit down. For a moment, the air almost seems to inhale. Then, with a loud *POOF*, Madame Musk makes her dramatic appearance, popping out in a cloud of smoke.] Musk: I am the Prophet that... [coughing] ... ugh. Damn smoke. Always makes me cough. [Ranma and Akane take a strange look at Madame Musk. She appears physically frail, but the eyes speak volumes of mysteries and incredible knowledge. Ranma can't repress a shudder looking at those aged eyes that seems all too familiar...] Musk: Come on, don't you have anything better to do than stare at me? Ranma: Uh, yeah. I'm... Musk: Ranma Saotome. And this is Akane Tendo. Ranma: Eh? How do you know? Musk: I am Madame Musk, and that is all you need know. Now, I presume you want to know your futures? Akane: Well, yeah, but... Musk: Excellent! Then I must prepare. Place your hands on the ball! [Akane places her hands on the ball.] BOTH of you! [Ranma starts to place his hands on the ball, then shifts to avoid touching Akane's hands. They focus their attention on Madame Musk, who starts chanting. The ball bursts into bright light, and Ranma and Akane quickly cover their eyes.] Musk: [peering into the crystal ball] Ah... there is a beautiful young woman in your future, boy. Ranma: Eh, I'd hardly call Akane beautiful... Akane: [punches Ranma on the arm, lightly] Oh shut up, Ranma. Musk: You misunderstand. This young woman appears to be Chinese. Akane and Ranma: What?! Musk: What is her name? Ah, yes, I see it... Shampoo. [Akane becomes stone-faced, as she tries to control herself. Ranma, however, is in shock.] Ranma: WHAT? Hey, lemme see... Musk: No need to, boy. Accept the word of one who knows. Ranma: Lemme see! [Akane gets up, throws the stuffed panda at Ranma, and starts walking out. Ranma does a double-take.] Ranma: Hey, Akane! Where're you going? [Akane simply keeps walking. Ranma turns to look at Madame Musk.] Ranma: Lemme see that ball! [Just then, a voice is heard outside the tent.] Ryoga: Ranma Saotome! You will pay for stealing MY date! [Ryoga comes flying in, with the whirling umbrella attack. Unfortunately, the umbrella hits a support pole and...] [Bystanders outside see the tent suddenly sag and fall. A few minutes later, Ranma comes out, dragging along Ryoga and...] Ranma: Cologne? What the heck... [Sure enough, it's Cologne under the robes of Madame Musk.] Ranma: If that's Cologne, then... [A monkey starts chattering in the background.] that prophecy is... not true! Hey, Akane! Akane? [Looking around for Akane.] Dammit! [Ranma begins a search. However, on the way, he encounters Soun and Genma.] Genma: Hey, son, do you know there's a dance over at the other side of the fair? Ranma: Yeah, but... Soun: I know Akane likes dancing, even if she isn't coordinated enough... Ranma: Ok, but first... Genma: And then you can take her boating out on the lake... Ranma: Dad... Soun: And then you can.... Ranma: [screaming] GYAH!! [Ranma boots Genma into a fish pond, then plants a spinning kick just as Soun turns to run, sending Soun into a cotton candy booth.] Ranma: Those two just can't mind their own business! [Ranma leaves, just as a crowd begins to gather around the pond, with cries of "Panda!" spreading through the fair...] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Meanwhile, Akane is walking away fuming.] Akane: [thinking] That... that pervert! How dare ... Why Shampoo?! [pause] Fine. Ranma is destined to marry Shampoo- so why should I care? [Suddenly, Kuno pops out from behind a tent, and hugs Akane.] Kuno: Akane! I have decided to present you with the best gift of all- me! Akane: [slipping out of the hug] No thanks. Kuno: There's no need for thanks. [hugs Akane again.] Let's enjoy ourselves. Just you and me. No Ranma Saotome. Akane: There is no you and me. There is only YOU. Go away! [hits Kuno in the face.] Kuno: But Akane... Akane: Oh, GO AWAY! [kicks Kuno into the distance.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Ranma is still hunting for Akane. He stops at Ukyou's okonomiyaki stand.] Ranma: Hi, Ucchan! Ukyou: Good evening, Ran-chan! What do you think of the fair? I'll close up early and we can go on the Ferris Wheel! Ranma: Uh, Ukyou, that's not necessary. Just wanted to ask you- have you seen Akane? Ukyou: Uh, no... [eyes go wide] Ranma, look out! [Ranma instantly jumps to the side. A heavy umbrella lands a split second later at Ranma's former position.] Ryoga: RANMA... YOU... YOU... YOU WILL PAY! Ranma: [sighs] Wonderful. [readies himself for a fight, as Ukyou comes out of the stand with her spatulas.] [And just then, Kuno comes flying in, landing on the okonomiyaki stand. The stand collapses, landing on Ryoga and breaking everything around it, including the water tank next to it. The water tank explodes and creates a flood, sending Ranma and Ukyou running for cover. After they stop running...] Ranma: Sorry about that, Ucchan. Ukyou: It's okay. I can just get another one. What was it you wanted Akane for? Ranma: Uh, it's not important. I just gotta find her. Ukyou: Ok, I'll help. But what about Ryoga? Ranma: Uh... [sighs, realizing there's no polite way to reject Ukyou's offer.] Leave him. He's got a tough head. Let's go. [Ranma and Ukyou disappear, leaving Kuno unconscious among the remains of the stand. A monkey scampers over and peers at the wreckage. It then pushes aside a few boards to reveal...] P-chan: BWEE!!!!!!!!!! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Ranma and Ukyou are walking around. They literally bump into Akane, as Akane turns a corner and runs into Ranma. They stare at each other...] Ukyou: Ahem! [Akane turns to look at Ukyou. Then she turns to Ranma with an UGLY expression on her face...] Akane: So, another girl, eh, womanizer? Ranma: Er... it's not what you think. Akane: Ranma Saotome, you no good idiotic pervert! Ranma: Hey, Akane, if you'll let me explain... Voice: Pardon me. You ARE Ranma Saotome, aren't you? [Akane, Ukyou, and Ranma turn around and see ... nothing.] Voice: Hey, down here. [They look. It's the very same monkey they've been seeing all over the fair.] Monkey: You ARE Ranma Saotome, aren't you? Ranma: Yeah. What about it? Monkey: Good. [Takes a needle out behind his ears... and the needle becomes a staff.] Ranma Saotome, you will die. Ranma: Die? [laughing. He points at the monkey] YOU are going to kill [pointing at himself] ME? HAHAHAHAHA! [The monkey glares. Then it expands into a 50 foot tall monkey, dressed in a green tunic, tigerskin pants, and a metallic gold headband.] Monkey: Now, then, as I was saying... Ranma Saotome, you will die. [Ranma's laughter dies, ending with a slight gulp.] Ranma: Oh... boy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 3: Monkey strikes! Written by: David Tai Edited by: Paul Gallegos -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Ranma is staring up at the monkey standing in front of him. Who can blame him? It's not often you see a 50-foot monkey wearing a golden headband, a green tunic, and a large tigerskin.] Ranma: Yaaah! Who are you supposed to be ?! Monkey: I am the Stone Monkey. I am the Great Sage, Equal of Heaven. I am Sun Wu-k'ung, but you may call me... the Handsome Monkey King! Ranma: Never heard of you. Monkey: Harumph. I certainly hope your skills are better than your memory, Saotome. Ranma: How DO you know my name, anyway? Monkey: From the Chinese style clothing you wear, plus that ponytail, it seems apparent you ARE Ranma Saotome. However, I had to be sure, so I followed you around. Never hurts to be sure. Ranma: Waitasec... why ARE you going to kill me? Monkey: Why do you think, demon? Ranma: Demon? Monkey: The time for talking is past. Taste cudgel, demon! [Monkey slams down his staff at Ranma. Ranma dodges... again and again and again, as Monkey keeps trying to hit him.] Monkey: Humph. You could be almost as good as me... in about 20,000 years. [Monkey shrinks down to Ranma's size.] Now, it's time to get serious. [Monkey jumps into the air.] Ranma: Hah! Mid-air combat is a speciality of the Saotome School! [Ranma jumps.] Monkey: HAH! [blocks Ranma's kick and quickly whirling his staff to hit Ranma's head, sending him flying...] Not as good as mine, however. Ranma: Uh... [shakes off the cobwebs, then looks up to see Monkey come hurling at him.] FIERCE TIGER DOMINEERING! [Ranma releases his ki energy. However, Monkey quickly twirls his staff and dispates the energy, then lands on Ranma with both feet before jumping off and somersaulting into an offensive stand.] Ranma: [holding stomach] DAMN! Monkey: Humph. Hardly a challenge. [Ranma spies the Panda and Soun in the crowd.] Ranma: Hey, Dad! Give me a hand here! [The Panda takes a look at the Monkey King. He charges, as Soun jumps into the air for a flying kick. However, Monkey nonchalantly flips the Panda and allows Soun to land stomachwise on the end of the staff. The Panda and Soun gather their wits, look at each other, and start dashing away.] Ranma: Dad! [The Panda lifts a sign, "Nice knowing you, son" as he and Soun disappear from sight...] Akane: Ranma, rest! I'll cover you! Ranma: No, you stupid girl! He's too GOOD! Ukyou: I'll help! Go, Akane! [Ukyou hurls a steaming okonomiyaki at Monkey as Akane dashes. Monkey simply blocks Akane's charging punch, opens his mouth, and swallows the okonomiyaki- only to spit it out.] Monkey: Pah! The Japanese can't cook, that's for sure! Ukyou: Why you! That was my BEST okonomiyaki! [Ukyou charges in, and begins to pound Monkey with her giant spatula. Monkey just stands there and grins as Akane and Ukyou pound away at him without any visible effect. Finally, Akane and Ukyou collapse, panting hard.] Monkey: Now that the appeals are through, shall we commence with the execution? [Monkey takes a step forward...] Ryoga's voice: ROARING LION BULLET! [A large blast of ki energy hits Monkey from behind, staggering him. Monkey looks behind him.] Ryoga: Hurting Akane? You DIE! Monkey: You caught me by surprise- and the last thing you want to do is catch old Monkey by surprise. [Hits Ryoga on the head with the staff. Ryoga falls.] Now, then, are there going to be any more distractions? [Silence, as Ranma staggers up to his feet.] No? Okay, then... [And a bicycle comes hurling out of nowhere, running over Monkey's back in the process.] Shampoo: Here I come! Ranma, Akane, Ukyou: Shampoo! Ranma: Great timing, Shampoo. Akane: Yeah, great job. Shampoo: Was nothing. Ranma- you marry me? Akane & Ukyou: What? Ranma: Eh? [looking befuddled.] [Akane, however, soon realizes...] Akane: Well, Ranma- this is your destiny. Goodbye. [Akane starts to turn away. Ranma grabs her by the arm.] Ranma: Wait, Akane! That was Cologne, the fortuneteller! I mean, the fortuneteller was Cologne! [Akane turns her head.] Akane: Spare me. Ukyou: Uh, I hate to interrupt, but I think we have a problem. [Ranma, Akane and Shampoo turn to look at Ukyou. Ukyou points behind them.] The Monkey's up. [And indeed, the Monkey King IS standing, and looking furious. The staff glows menacingly as Monkey speaks.] Monkey: Didn't I ask for no more distractions? I grow very weary of this. You are dead, demon. Shampoo: Uh-oh. Ranma: What's "uh-oh"? Shampoo: That the Monkey King! Ranma: That's who he said he is. Shampoo: Run, Ranma! Ranma: From HIM? I'm ready for him now. Shampoo: Not ready for Monkey, Ranma! RUN! Ranma: I can take him! [dashes at Monkey, only to be met by a flying somersault by Monkey, who flips him casually, sending him back to...] Shampoo: Ranma, STOP! Ranma: Out of my way- I'm going to get him! FIERCE TIGER DOMINEERING! [Ranma pushes Shampoo out of the way and releases his energy. Monkey, however, dispates the explosion with his staff.] Ranma: That's it! I'm going to get him this time! [dashes at Monkey.] Ranma: TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN! [Ranma throws 518 punches. Monkey however, is braced, with staff twirling and blocking.] Ranma: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! [Ranma takes a look at his hands- painfully red. He looks up at a grinning Monkey.] Ranma: No hard feelings? [Monkey swings his staff, sending Ranma flying back to the girls.] Shampoo: Ranma, run! Ranma: One more technique left... SAOTOME SECRET TECHNIQUE! [Monkey braces... only to see Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo running away.] Monkey: Hey! Think you can hide from old Monkey? [Monkey jumps.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Ranma and the girls are running.] Ranma: Dammit, Shampoo, who's that guy? Shampoo: He the Monkey King! Ranma: Who IS he? Shampoo: Tell you later... look out! Ranma: Wha--- [Ranma stumbles over a twirling staff and falls into a fish pond, as the Monkey King lands, casually flipping his staff back into his possession.] Monkey: Got you. [Ranma-chan jumps out of the fish pond, in a fighting stance.] Monkey: Wha-? [puzzled. He begins scratching his head, before speaking.] Pardon me, ma'am. Have you seen a boy with a ponytail in the pond? Ranma-chan: Eh? (gets an elbow from Akane) Oh, uh- he dove down past me and went... thataway. [points finger at nowhere specific.] Monkey: Ah, thank you. Sorry to disturb you. [Monkey leaves- thataway.] Ranma-chan: Whew. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Shampoo's restaurant, the Nekohanten. Cologne is sitting at a small, round table when Ranma-chan and company comes in. Ranma, Ukyou, Akane sits down, as Shampoo disappears into the kitchen.] Ranma-chan: Ok, Cologne- you saw that monkey at the fair, right? Cologne: Yes. Akane: Why is he after Ranma? Ranma: Isn't that obvious? He wants to kill me! Akane: Yes, but WHY? Cologne: Perhaps you should ask Monkey himself that question. Ranma-chan: Who IS that character, anyway? [Cologne settles back in her seat, as a flashback sequence starring Monkey starts.] Cologne: The Monkey King is a famous legend in China. He was born of the union of Heaven and Earth, from a stone. He became King of monkeys, and lived in the Cave of the Water Curtain. One day, he got bored, so he sought to become an Immortal. The Monkey met a teacher, learned the secrets of Immortality, transformation, and many other powers, and returned home. Using his knowledge and powers, he acquired the Staff that forged Heaven. The Jade Emperor, Ruler of Heaven, sought to keep the Monkey controlled, so he gave him a honorary title: Great Sage, Equal of Heaven, and a job as the heavenly horsekeeper. However, this job irritated Monkey, so he created much chaos in heaven, as only a trickster monkey can. Only Erh-lang, nephew of the Jade Emperor, managed to stop him. But Monkey escaped, and stole the elixir that made him tougher and strengthened his immortality. He aspired to the Jade Emperor's position, and only the intervention of the divine Buddha stopped Monkey. Buddha tricked the Monkey, and trapped him under a mountain. [end of flashback.] Ranma-chan: So Monkey's immortal? Cologne: Very much so. Akane: But how did Monkey escape the mountain? [Shampoo enters, with a pot of hot water, which she pours over Ranma.] Cologne: A Buddhist priest was sent to India to get the scriptures of Buddha. He had three disciples, and one of them was Monkey. Probably about 6th century A.D. Ranma: Monkey? How can that be? Monkey should've been mad as hell. Cologne: Kuan-yin, Goddess of Mercy, begged Buddha for mercy, and Monkey was given a chance to repent and make amends. And Monkey DID make amends, protecting the priest from demons and evil spirits. But Kuan-yin included a safeguard in case Monkey backslides. Akane: Safeguard? Cologne: Yes. Kuan-yin gave Monkey a cap with a golden headband. The headband became unremovable, and remained on Monkey's head no matter how hard he tried to get it off. The headband, with the proper prayer, would squeeze Monkey's head very very hard, and Monkey had to cooperate or suffer severe pain. It wasn't used very often, and the priest and his disciples got the scriptures after many adventures. Ukyou: Ranma! The headband- Monkey was wearing one! Ranma: That's right! We got him! Akane: But how do we learn the prayer? Cologne: Alas, the only people who knew that prayer was the priest and Kuan- yin. Ranma: But Kuan-yin is immortal, right? She IS a goddess. Cologne: Correct, but to find her would require a bit of work. Ranma: What about Happosai's nanban mirror? Cologne: It should work if you ask it to send you to Kuan-yin's dwelling place. Akane: There's just one problem- we need to get it from Happosai. Ranma: Leave that to me. I've got a plan. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 4: Mercy for Ranma? NOT! Written by: Paul Gallegos and David Tai Edited by: David Tai -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Nighttime. Three shadowy figures lurk slowly around the Tendo dojo...] Akane: I still think this was a bad idea. Ukyou: I think it's a stupid idea to bring Akane. Ranma-chan: Shut up, both of you. Akane: I still don't see why you have to be a girl... Ranma-chan: It's easier to sneak around in this body. Besides, the last thing I need is to have to save you if that giant monkey appears again. Akane: [glaring] ... Ukyou: Ok, ok. Now, we just have to sneak into Happosai's room, take the mirror, and get moving, all before Happosai catches us? Ranma-chan: That's about it. Akane: Some plan you came up with, you idiot. Ranma-chan: Do _you_ have a better plan?? Ukyou: It's the only plan we've got. Let's go. [As the three sneak off towards Happosai's room, a small, shadowy figure lurks behind them, just out of sight. Finally, the trio of girls stops outside Happosai's bedroom door.] Ranma-chan: Well, here we are. Now, we just have to get Happosai out of the room. Akane: And just how do you think we'll do that? Ranma-chan: Well...I hadn't thought of that. Akane: You're such a jerk! How do we get the mirror if he's IN the room? Ranma-chan: We could always feed him some of your cooking... Akane: Why you...! Ukyou: Umm... can I make a suggestion? Why don't we come in through the window? Ranma-chan: Uh... Akane: [glares at Ranma] And why didn't you think of that, Ranma? Ranma-chan: Listen, I don't hear YOU coming up with any better ideas! Ukyou: Enough. Let's just go. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Tendos' house rooftop. Ranma-chan is upside down, looking into Happosai's room, with Akane and Ukyou holding on to her legs to prevent her from landing on the ground.] Ranma-chan: Happosai's sleeping. Akane: Okay. Open the window so we can get in. [Ranma-chan opens the window. The three slip into the room quietly, as elusive as before. Ukyou ducks behind a chair, followed by Akane and Ranma-chan. Before Ranma-chan has a chance to hide, however, P-chan comes flying out of seemingly nowhere to attack her.] P-chan: BWEE! [hits Ranma-chan on the back of the head, then jumps away.] Ranma-chan: Ow! That hurt, you jerk! Akane: Shhh!! Ranma-chan: Shut up, jerk! [On P-chan's next flying attack, however, Ranma-chan grabs him in mid-air and slam-dunks him snout first into the floor. Akane immediately jumps up to pound her and slips on Happosai's pipe. Before anyone can react, she lands on top of Ranma-chan, sending the two of them rolling across the room. They finally stop about two feet away from Happosai's sleeping form; Akane is laying on top of Ranma-chan, their faces inches apart, both with embarrassed expressions. The embarrassment turns into surprise, however, as Happosai sits up in his bed.] Happosai: YEEH! I must be dreaming! More! I want to see more! [Ranma-chan and Akane look at each other. They then notice Ukyou maneuvering to where she's spied the nanban mirror under Happosai's pillow. Both Ranma-chan and Akane narrow their eyes, but realize that they have to give Ukyou time to snatch the mirror. So they remain in their positions.] Happosai: I want movement! What kind of stupid dream is this?! [Akane and Ranma-chan both sit up, and Akane starts to slowly move towards a very nervous Ranma-chan. By this time, though, Ukyou has managed to steal the nanban mirror and returns quickly to her hiding place behind the desk. Instantly, Akane reaches behind Ranma-chan as if to bring her closer... and pounds Happosai over the head. Happosai drops like a ton of bricks.] Akane: Pervert. Ranma-chan: [still being held by Akane] Um, Akane... [Akane blushes, lets go of Ranma-chan, and starts to rise, then notices P-chan just barely regaining consciousness. Her eyes narrow.] Akane: Here, let me help you up. [grabs Ranma-chan and tosses her out the window] Bastard. [Akane picks up P-chan, and she and Ukyou quickly exit the room via the window, leaving Happosai in the middle of his floor, face down, out cold.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Shampoo's restaurant, the Nekohanten. Shampoo is sweeping the floor when Ukyou and Akane come walking in, followed by a slightly damp Ranma-chan.] Shampoo: Nihao! How did it go? Ukyou: We got it! Ranma-chan: No thanks to that stupid pet of yours. Akane: Shut up! [Cologne comes in.] Cologne: Enough arguing. Monkey's out there looking for you, Ranma. And he's getting madder. Ukyou: Well, here's the mirror. [pulls the nanban mirror out of her uniform.] [Cologne disappears into the kitchen only to return a moment later with a tray of food and a kettle of hot water, which Shampoo pours on Ranma-chan.] Cologne: Shampoo, you will go with Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou. Shampoo: Yes, Great-grandmother. [She takes the mirror from Ukyou.] Akane: [thinking] Why does she have to go with us? Shampoo: [thinking] Goddess give me spell, I save Ranma. He will marry me then. Cologne: Eat up, Ranma. You'll need the energy. [Ranma grabs the tray of food and begins to eat.] Akane: Hey, what about us?! [Shampoo grabs Akane and Ukyou and quickly touches Ranma, who has tears in his eyes.] Ranma: H-h-h-hot! Cologne: I hope you particularily enjoyed the spiced chicken with mushrooms in hot pepper sauce. [Shampoo sticks the mirror under Ranma's eyes. A tear falls.] Shampoo: Dwelling place of Kuan-yin, 1,400 years ago! [The mirror effect begins. When it ends, Ranma and the girls are gone.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Cut to the top of a small valley. A stream runs down the valley side to the bottom, where it feeds a small pond. A simple hut sits next to this pond surrounded by green grass and relatively few bushes. The stream then continues on into a grove of trees and disappears. All in all, it is very quiet and peaceful here... that is, until Ranma and the girls materialize.] Ranma: [dancing around with burning tongue] WATER! I need water! [Dunks his head into the pond.] YAAH! COLD! Akane: Idiot. Ukyou: Somehow, I expected a goddess's home to be more... elegant. Shampoo: [tucking away the mirror in her blouse] Kuan-yin is simple lady. Good heart. Not pompous. Ukyou: By the way, Ranma, water doesn't help cool a spice burn - it makes it worse. Ranma-chan: [popping her head out of the water with her mouth open] HOT! HOT! [After a bit, the four head towards the hut. When they arrive, Ranma-chan walks up to the door as if to knock, but the door opens before he can touch the wooden door. A woman stands in the doorway regarding the travellers with a warm smile.] Woman: [in Chinese] Hello, travellers. How may I help you? Shampoo: [in Chinese] We are seeking Kuan-yin. Are you her? Woman: [in Chinese] Yes. Ranma-chan: Hey, will you guys speak Japanese? Shampoo: This Kuan-yin. Kuan-yin: Pleased to meet you. Ukyou: You speak Japanese? Kuan-yin: Fluency in languages is one of the arts of immortality. Immortals know all the languages, to fulfill people's needs. What brings you to my domain? Akane: Well... there's this giant monkey that's after Ranma. Kuan-yin: Giant monkey? You mean Sun Wu-k'ung? Akane: Calls himself Monkey King. Kuan-yin: Sun Wu-k'ung, indeed. Strange, though. I thought he had reformed and returned home. Ranma-chan: I guess he must've been bored or something because he's after me! He thinks I'm a demon! Akane: [muttering] Some could argue... Ukyou: We've travelled from many years in the future for your assistance, hoping you could teach us the spell of the tight headband. Shampoo: We beg you. Please help us. Kuan-yin: [smiles warmly] That's not necessary. All you need do is ask. [Kuan-yin closes her eyes for a moment and softly whispers something in an unintelligible language, as if in a silent prayer. She then opens her eyes and focuses on the four women, one by one, until her gaze rests on Akane.] Kuan-yin: You, Akane, will do nicely. Ranma-chan: WHAT? My life in the hands of Akane??? Great, why not kill me now and get it over with? Shampoo: Why her? Akane: Why me? Kuan-yin: The spell requires someone pure of heart. You will do. [Kuan-yin takes Akane into the hut, while Ranma-chan bemoans her fate.] Ranma-chan: That's it, I'm a goner. Ukyou: No way! We'll help you out. Shampoo: Right! Monkey King will regret he ever met you. Ukyou: Yeah. C'mon, Akane's not such a bad person. Give her some credit. Ranma-chan: She's got spirit, I'll grant her that. Shampoo: Just hope it enough to defeat Monkey King. [Ranma-chan turns and looks at Shampoo with a not-so-confident expression on her face. A little while later, Kuan-yin and Akane return. Kuan-yin is carrying a kettle of hot water, which she pours over Ranma-chan.] Kuan-yin: There. Better? Ranma: How did you know? Kuan-yin: I'm familiar with Jusenkyou. As Goddess of Mercy, I can usually cure this... but in your case, I cannot. Ranma: What? Why not? Kuan-yin: It seems another goddess is having amusement at your expense - I cannot do anything about this. Ranma: WHAT?? Kuan-yin: It is entirely up to you to break the spell. I cannot interfere. The same applies to you, Shampoo. [Shampoo sighs.] And now, I presume you want the mirror to send you back. Allow me to mourn the people I could not help. [Kuan-yin starts crying. Shampoo takes the mirror out, and holds it up to Kuan-yin. A tear falls on the mirror.] Kuan-yin: [tears streaming] Goodbye. Shampoo: [taking ahold of Ranma, Ukyou, and Akane] The Nekohanten, Japan, 1,400 years in the future! [Ranma and the girls disappear, and a breeze blows through the valley, swirling grass and a few leaves where they once stood.] Kuan-yin: [dries her tears and begins to walk back into her hut] I hope you're getting a big laugh out of this, Takahashi-sama. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 5: Ranma's Last Stand? Written by David Tai Edited by Paul Gallegos -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Shampoo's restaurant, the Nekohanten. Cologne barely blinks an eye as she sees Ranma and the girls emerge from thin air. Shampoo tucks the nanban mirror away.] Cologne: Did you get the spell? Ranma: Yeah, but Akane is the only one who Kuan-yin told. Akane: Kuan-yin chose ME. Got a problem with that? Ranma: Yeah, if it means my life is in the hands of a stupid, idiotic tomboy! Shampoo: [in Chinese] Great-grandmother, I could've learned the spell, but Kuan-yin, for some obscure reason, picked *HER*! Cologne: Question not the gods, infinite be their wisdom. They must know what they're doing. Ukyou: Don't worry, Ran-chan. I'll be there for you. Ranma: Hey, Akane! Why can't you teach Cologne? Akane: Kuan-yin taught me. Isn't that enough? Why won't you trust me? Ranma: [counting on his fingers] You're nuts, you're a klutz, you're... [*POW*] Akane: RANMA NO BAKA! Cologne: Youth... so brash. [Akane starts to storm out... only to stop when Happosai enters, walking under Akane's skirt.] Akane: Hey! Happosai: Evening, Cologne! [He stops when he sees Ranma.] You! Didn't Monkey take care of you? Ranma: Ha! No way! I think Monkey is the one that should be worried right about now. Shampoo: We ready to defeat Monkey King now! Akane: Waitasec! How would YOU know about the Monkey King anyway? Happosai: What? Me? It was... a lucky guess? Cologne: [slightly irritated] Happy... Ranma: Wha- you - [points finger] you're behind this?! Happosai: Oh well. Might as well let Monkey finish the job. [pulls out a toy monkey.] Hey you- wake up! [The toy monkey blinks- then expands and animates until...] Monkey: [yawns] What's up? Happosai: KILL THE DEMON! [Happosai hops on a table, pulls out a magazine, and begins drooling over the centerfold, as Monkey looks at Ranma.] Monkey: Ah, welcome back, boy. I HAD wondered where you'd gotten off to. Well, no big deal. I'll just take care of you now. [Monkey pulls out his staff from behind his ear, and expands it.] Any last words? Ranma: I've got a few, but I think Akane's got the right words... [Akane begins chanting. Monkey's headband starts glowing, a faint glowing yellow, but...] Monkey: Hmm? Trying the shrinking headband spell? Seems your will isn't strong enough, girl. [Monkey stratches his head a little, then attacks Ranma, while Akane looks puzzled.] Akane: [thinking] What am I doing wrong? [Ranma, meanwhile, is busy trying to fend off Monkey's furious attack. Ukyou and Shampoo leap to help him, pounding on Monkey's head...] Monkey: [bemused] Girls, girls, I'd love to play with you, but I have to take care of a little business. [Ukyou then gets an idea and starts cooking up some okonomiyaki quickly, then tosses several steaming ones at Monkey King's face. Monkey is quickly blinded, as Ranma gets out of the corner he had backed into.] Monkey: [slightly peeved] It's bad enough that you Japanese can't cook, but now you have to mess up my beautiful fur! [snaps fingers, and is once again clean and shiny.] I'm done playing now. [Monkey pulls out a few hairs from his head with one hand, says the word "Grow!"... and a few dozen little monkeys grow up from the hairs and start clinging to Ukyou, Shampoo, and Ranma.] Ranma: What the-?! Cologne, you didn't say he could do THAT! Cologne: Well, I didn't have the time to give you a rundown on Monkey's abilities. Ranma: Well, give me that rundown NOW! [Fighting his way towards Happosai, he swats off a little monkey which is chewing vigorously on his ear.] Cologne: Well, Monkey can turn invisible... [WHOOMP! Ranma staggers as nothing hits him... er, make that "a materializing Monkey hits Ranma."] Cologne: There's incredible strength and agility... [Ranma gets picked up in a beautiful somersault throw.] Cologne: There's shapeshifting... Ranma: Stop telling me, damn it! Don't give him any more ideas! [Monkey turns into a tiger and pounces on Ranma.] Ranma: WAAAH! A CAT! [starts panicking.] [Meanwhile, Shampoo and Ukyou have fought off the monkeys and reached Ranma. They both struggle to get the tiger off Ranma, who is now hysterical...] Ukyou: Can't get Monkey off his back! Shampoo: Akane, do something! Akane: I've been chanting for the last five minutes and Monkey isn't down yet! Cologne: Courage, young one. Your will is not strong enough yet. [Ukyou manages to flip the tiger off Ranma, but the tiger changes in mid-air back to Monkey, who leaps between Shampoo and Ukyou and then...] Monkey: GROW! [The staff telescopes outwards, taking Ukyou and Shampoo with them and pinning them to the facing walls. Monkey releases the staff, just as Ranma gets up.] Ranma: Damn you! FIERCE TIGER DOMINEERING! [Ranma unleashes the largest burst of ki he has ever managed. For a moment, everything turns blue... and then everything is smoky. Ranma collapses, spent.] Monkey: [emerging from the smoke] Not too shabby, demon. But the cat is done playing. Die, mouse. [Monkey picks up Ranma by the collar.] Akane: RANMA!!! [Akane starts to charge towards Monkey. But a large wooden spoon bars the way.] Cologne: Don't be a fool. You are wasting your energy trying to combat an immortal. [Monkey lifts a hand in a killing stroke...] Akane: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [And Monkey's headband turns white hot. Screaming, Monkey drops Ranma and clutches at his head in agony, as all the little monkeys in the background vanish.] Cologne: Quickly, Akane- chant the spell again! [Akane, who is standing with a surprised look on her face, looks puzzled for a moment, then turns solemn. She starts chanting with her eyes closed, focusing on the spell. Monkey screams, falls to the ground, and starts rolling around.] Monkey: No more, no more! Cologne: Akane, stop. [Akane stops and rushes over to where Ranma's prone body lies.] Monkey: [gasping] Thank you. Cologne: Release my great-granddaughter and her friend. [The staff shrinks, and Monkey picks it up, as Shampoo and Ukyou glare at him.] Cologne: Would you mind explaining why you're here? Monkey: Isn't it obvious? I'm here to rid you of this male demon. Akane: Why do you keep insisting he's a demon? Monkey: There is a strange magical aura about him... and beside, the honorable old man [indicating Happosai, who is busy trying to hide behind a potted plant.] tells me that the male demon possesses the body of a young girl. Cologne: [laughing] Happy, you clever devil! Sun Wu-k'ung, I must apologize for the mix-up. The young man is no demon. He DOES possess the body of a young girl, but the magical aura you detect is that of the Jusenkyou waters! Observe! [Cologne picks up a jug of cold water and pours it over the prone Ranma. Monkey gives a start as he recognizes Ranma-chan. Then Cologne picks up the kettle of hot water and pours it over Ranma.] Monkey: Jusenkyou? ... [looks closely at a staggering, swaying Ranma who is trying to stand up, with Akane's support.] Shape-shifting! [shakes head.] So those Jusenkyou legends WERE true, after all... Hmph, so that's how you managed to escape at the fair, boy! Cologne: Yes. Now, would you please do us all a favor and go home? Monkey: No problem. I'll head back to China... Hey, old man! [Jumps up and grab Happosai, who is trying to sneak out through an air duct.] Send me home! Happosai: [calmly] I'm not in the mood. Akane: WHAT?! [Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo start pounding on Happosai like a punching bag, while Monkey grins and holds him.] Shampoo: You try NOW... Ukyou: Or you die NOW! Happosai: [crying] WAAAH! Akane: Where's the mirror?! Shampoo: I've got it. [pulls out the mirror, which she hands to Happosai.] Happosai: You can make me cry, but you won't make me use the mirror. Monkey: Old man, use the mirror. You haven't seen an ANGRY Monkey yet, have you? Trust me, you don't want to see that. [Happosai gulps. Holding the mirror, he allows a tear to fall.] Ranma: Waitasec... why don't we... Happosai: The Cave of the Water Curtain, China, 1,400 years ago... and HURRY! [Monkey and Happosai disappear off into the temporal maelstrom...] Ranma: ... use the mirror to go to Jusenkyou? Shampoo: Oops. [Ranma sighs. Then he clutches his back.] Ranma: Ow. I better see Dr. Tofu... my back's killing me. [staggers towards the door.] Akane: Uh, I think Kasumi's visiting him right now. Ranma: [turns around and staggers back.] Forget it. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [The Nekohanten restaurant. Miraculously, the place has already been swept up. Ukyou has left to go home, and Shampoo is in the kitchen cleaning up. Cologne, Ranma, and Akane are sitting at a table.] Cologne: I apologize for not helping you against Monkey, but you DO realize that fighting an immortal is something only a stubborn fool would try. Ranma: ... [changing subject] So Akane finally got the spell working. Cologne: Yes. I suppose the spell required a specific element, and Akane finally hit on it. Ranma: [grumbling] First thing she's ever hit on that didn't hit back. Akane: [glaring at Ranma] Whatever. As long as it worked, who cares? [Akane gets up and walk out, followed by Ranma.] Cologne: [sighs] So... purity of heart is necessary for the spell's completion, but something further is needed as well. True love, that comes from the heart, is also needed. [turning to watch the retreating figures of Ranma and Akane thoughtfully] Can it be that Akane...? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Ranma and Akane are walking home in silence. For once, Ranma is walking next to Akane, feet on ground. The silence grows almost tangible before...] Ranma: What a crazy, ridiculous night. Akane: Yeah. [A pause.] Akane: Great. It's past midnight. We'll be grounded for sure. Ranma: Urk... [Another pause. The two finally reach the Tendo home.] Akane: Well, we're home. Ranma: Well. Akane: Well. Ranma: So, umm... how was the d... d... night? [looking down and shuffling his feet.] Akane: Well... it's been... nice. [looking down.] Ranma: Nice... yeah. Akane: Actually... it was great. Ranma: ... Uh, Akane... I've got something to give you. [Ranma reaches in his shirt and takes out the stuffed panda that he won at the fair earlier.] Ranma: Uh, you... left this behind. Take it. It's yours. Akane: [takes panda] ... Thanks. [They both look up at each other. Their eyes meet... and they draw closer together...] [The door slides open.] Soun: WELCOME HOME, YOU TWO! Genma: We're ready for you!!! [Akane and Ranma, startled, jump backwards.] Ranma: Dad, come on! I don't want to be grounded! Genma: Grounded? Who said anything about being grounded? Come in, you two! [They enter. The room is decorated in a bright, festive mood, as if for a...] Akane & Ranma: WEDDING?! Soun: Yes. We hope you two will give us many fine healthy grandchildren! Akane & Ranma: BAKA!!! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Outside the house, crashing, smashing, screaming, crying, and general chaos can be heard occuring inside. Then a small lull sets in. At least until...] Ryoga's voice: Ranma! Going out on MY DATE! [Oh, oh. I'm not even going to try to describe the resulting mess. Above the rising din, chuckling is heard from the garden fence, where sits a little monkey.] Monkey: [shaking head] They never stop, do they? [The monkey leaps into the air, disappearing into the moon, as his laughter is heard over the awful din...] - THE END - -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AUTHOR'S NOTE Well, at last it's done. It's taken a while, but the story is now presented. I suppose I should give a little background on everything... The storyline originated from two separate plots that I'd been considering: One was a Ranma/Akane date, and the other, a Ranma vs. Monkey. I'd been switching back and forth between them, getting thoroughly frustrated until I realized I could ACTUALLY put the two plots together. I had to cut down a lot on the date (It was originally a mishmash of many different would-be lovers trying to interrupt both Ranma and Akane), but essentially, the Monkey plot remains the same. The Monkey King, Kuan-yin, and the "Journey to the West" saga are from a classical Chinese Epic. Essentially, I grew up on tales of Monkey told to me by my mother. If you're interested, you could pick up either the complete four volume English translation, "The Journey to the West" by Anthony Yu, or go for the abbreviated version called "Monkey: A Folk Tale of China", by Arthur Waley. (On another note, the Monkey shown in the Marvel Epic comic "Dragon Lines" is not very classical- but the spirit is the same.) You may notice some chapters have been co-plotted by Paul Gallegos. I felt it appropriate to give him credit, considering he helped me smooth over the rough spots, doing much more than simply editing. The writing and editing was made doubly difficult due to the difference between our respective school system: my school, RIT, is on a quarter system, while Paul's is on a semester system, creating a little time conflict ("Dammit, I have finals!" "I'm FREE!" "I'm NOT!") Essentially, Paul co-wrote chapter 4, since I was on vacation at that time, and he was bursting with ideas... so for once, we switched roles for that one chapter. Thanks, Paul! (BTW, I met Paul through his two previous FanFics, which are quite well-done, so go check them out! :) ) Nabiki? Ah, I simply borrowed a friend's personality and imposed it on her. I like to think he's Nabiki's soul mate. "Money, Power, Glory!" happens to be a frequent saying for him, and he demands copyrights and payments on any usage of it, the little moneymonger. Ranma and Akane owe a lot to Paul, who kept me firmly Takahashi-verse ("No, David- Ranma does NOT do that.") Cologne and Shampoo- ah, thanks to my relatives (So much easier to write the characters when you have role models- frightening who they are, aren't they?) And lastly, to rec.arts.anime, for introducing me to Rumiko Takahashi ("Gee, why all this fuss about Ranma, Urusei Yatsura, Maison Ikkoku...?") Till next time! (If I can just wheedle Paul into helping... :) ) David Tai (DJT2445@RITVAX.ISC.RIT.EDU) Oh, and here's a word from... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE OTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE: How long did this take us? A month? Two months? I've lost track. What I _do_ know is it was time well spent. I think that this is definitely one of the better pieces I've ever had the pleasure of working on. David's ideas could not have been better placed (or timed, for that matter). I don't know how many times we spent hours just talking about ideas, or the amount of mail that went back and forth. As you can see, though, the work paid off. Who to thank? Heh, easy. David Tai, who has one of the best imaginations I've come across; Charles McCarter (yes, AnimeExpo's Reference Guide dude and my former roommate), for getting me hooked on Ranma, Maison Ikkoku, and everything else Takahashi-ish; and Cinda Gillilan (a fan-fiction writer of series such as "War of the Worlds" and "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and publisher of her own fanzine), for teaching me just how to tap into that creative streak I seem to have. Will we do another story? Well, I'm not graduating for a while... (Now, if we can just find ourselves an artist...) Paul Gallegos (gallegos@Arizona.EDU) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, there you guys are... now, write in to BOTH of us! (12/93) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As of 1/94, there are some changes. Firstly, we noticed a major continuity flaw between some episodes; we've now taken care of that, as well as cleaning up typos, grammars, and trying to clarify some descriptions. Oh yeah. Ranma uses FIERCE TIGER DOMINEERING, not ROARING LION BULLET. Oops. Ciao... see you REAL soon now! -David Tai