R A N M A 1 / 2 "Sending Love Letters to Akane? Ranma Denies It!" original story by Dave "Jyanken" Cotelessa script version by Larry Mann - - - [Opening scene: morning at the Tendo household. Akane walks out of the dojo, having finished her morning Kempo workout. She enters the house:] AKANE Huh? [Kasumi is busily serving breakfast to everyone. Panda and Soun are casually sipping warm tea, slowly and carefully. This is a little out of character for them.] AKANE [She notices that Ranma isn't there. As she sits at the table:] Hey, where's-- [Just then loud footsteps and female screaming can be heard in the hallway.] HAPPOSAI Ranma-chan!! RANMA-CHAN YAAAHH!! LEECH! DIRTY OLD MAN!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! [Ranma-chan, dressed in a tank top and shorts, comes crashing through the room with Happosai close behind. Happosai is waving a bra around.] HAPPOSAI Then wear the bra! [Ranma-chan bounds over the table, stepping on the following heads in the process: Akane, Soun, and Panda. They head for the kitchen and out towards the dojo. Kasumi tries to help Soun and Panda, who are now choking on their tea. Akane pulls her face off the table, and she looks really pissed. Meanwhile, Ranma-chan is running towards the dojo.] RANMA-CHAN [She gets an idea.] [She reaches the dojo and rounds a corner, out of sight. Happosai jumps into the dojo and stops short when he sees Ranma-chan just standing there, looking directly into his eye. He pauses, then notices Ranma-chan's eyes are shimmering. She pouts her lips. Happosai starts to sweat. Ranma-chan's right hand goes to her left shoulder and rubs her tank top off the shoulder. Happosai is sweating profusely by this time. A small tear runs down Ranma- chan's cheek as she speaks:] RANMA-CHAN [softly] Okay, old man. You can try... HAPPOSAI [frenzied] SWEETO!!! [He jumps straight for Ranma-chan, but his mind is so sex-crazed that he is completely unprepared for the fist that sends him through the dojo wall and towards the sun. Ranma-chan yells after him:] RANMA-CHAN Try another girl, old fart! You'll never get this girl!! AKANE [offscreen] You are NOT a girl!!! [A kettle of boiling hot water is dumped on Ranma-chan from behind. She screams, and changes back into the male Ranma. Ranma turns around to see Akane glaring at him.] RANMA That was TOO HOT!! AKANE Serves you right! RANMA What did I do?! AKANE BAKA!! [WHAP! She slaps him hard across the right cheek, leaving a perfect imprint of her hand, then storms out of the dojo. Ranma grasps his face in a vain attempt to stop the pain.] RANMA [to himself] She's so effeminate... [yells after her] YOU'RE SO UGLY!!! [Cut to nighttime, in Ranma and Panda's room. Both are very asleep, snoring loudly. The door slides open and a small figure enters, holding a pail of water and a plant which looks like a cactus. The figure steps into the dim moonlight, and we see it is Happosai. He carefully places the plant next to Ranma, who is still asleep. Out of the strange plant, he pulls a needle which seems to have a long hose attached to it. Like a careful acupuncturist, Happosai gently pokes the needle into Ranma's scalp. We see a small amount of fluid pass into the needle, through the hose, and into the plant. Happosai takes a few steps back as the plant starts to warp and bend like a living creature. Its roots pound against the pot until it bursts. The roots begin to form limbs, as the needles expand and twist into fingers. From the top of the cactus, now five feet tall and getting larger, black hair grows. Underneath the long strands of hair a face forms. By the time the transformation has finished, there seems to be another Ranma standing in the room.] HAPPOSAI [to himself] It worked! The Copy Cactus worked! Now I will have Ranma-chan! [Happosai takes the pail of water and splashes it on the Ranma copy. However, the copy does not change into a girl, and gets very angry.] RANMA COPY OLD FART! I'm not a plant anymore and I DON'T NEED TO BE WATERED!! [Happosai gets booted toward the full moon. The real Ranma wakes up from all the commotion and sees himself turning and looking at him. The copy smiles.] RANMA COPY You're having a nightmare. [Ranma, still bewildered, watches himself hit Panda on the head and leave. Panda wakes up, looks at Ranma, and flashes a sign:] PANDA (sign) WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? [Panda bashes him on the head with the sign, knocking him unconscious, then goes back to sleep. Meanwhile, the Ranma copy has jumped out on the roof.] RANMA COPY [He glances over at the nearest window, then peers in to see Akane sleeping. He gulps.] She's cute! [A little too loud. Akane is awakened, and her eyes lock on the dark silhouette outside her window:] AKANE [She reaches for the baseball bat underneath her bed, then jumps toward the window, shouting:] RANMA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! [By the time she gets there, though, the silhouette has jumped away and is headed for the city.] [Her shouting has attracted the attention of Kasumi, who has opened the door to Akane's room and is holding a flashlight. Nabiki and Soun are behind her, peering over her shoulders.] KASUMI What's wrong, Akane? AKANE Ra-- Some pervert was at the window. NABIKI Did you get him? AKANE [looking out the window] No. He ran away. [Cut to the next day, at school. Akane goes to her locker and opens it.] AKANE Hm? What's this? [She pulls a note out and reads the cover, which is decorated with hearts:] From... Ranma?? [She opens the note and reads. We hear Ranma's voice:] RANMA (V-O) Dear Akane, When I first met you, I thought you were cute. I still think you are. Love, Ranma. AKANE [stunned] [Slight pause.] [Cut to later, in class.] SENSEI ...beginning of the Tokugawa Shogunate was where the first signs of discrimination between men and women could be seen. At first women could still hold property rights and were expected-- [Akane is looking out the window, daydreaming. She keeps seeing an image of a handsome Ranma surrounded by sparkles and flowers, etc.] RANMA (V-O) When I first met you, I thought you were cute. I still think you are... I still think you are... you are... you are... TEACHER AHEM! [Akane snaps out of her daydream, but it turns out the teacher's attention was directed at someone else who had fallen asleep.] STUDENT [very apologetic] Sorry! Sorry! [The teacher glares at the student for a moment, then returns to his lecture. Akane glances over at Ranma, who is sitting on the other side of the room. Ranma notices and sticks his tongue out at her. Instead of getting angry, Akane just looks back at her desk. Ranma notices and gets a little worried.] RANMA [Pause.] [He cautiously turns his eyes away from her and goes back to listening to the sensei.] [Next scene: lunchtime, and several of Akane's friends are gathered around her.] GIRL 1 Hey, Akane, what's up? AKANE Oh, nothing. GIRL 2 What's wrong, Akane? You've been daydreaming all day. Hm? [She notices the love note in one of Akane's books, and quietly slips it out, then exclaims:] A love letter! *That's* what's wrong!! [Akane snatches at the note, but it's too late. Her friends read the short statement:] GIRL 2 "When I first met you, I thought you were cute. I still think you are." GIRL 1 It's from... Ranma?? [Akane blushes. The word "Ranma" seems to echo everywhere, through the hallways and into every ear in the school. Everyone, that is, except Ranma.] [Cut to later, as school lets out and everyone goes home. Ranma packs up everything in his locker and heads out to walk Akane home, as usual. Seeing Akane ahead of him, he approaches.] RANMA Hey, Akane. AKANE [more cheerful than usual] Ranma, what is this letter about? [She shows the letter to Ranma. Ranma takes it and reads it, puzzled. He reads it again, then a third time, then hands it back to her, confused.] RANMA Who wrote you this? [Akane's good cheer goes out the window.] AKANE BAKA! YOU DID!! RANMA I don't remember writing this, but... it *is* my handwriting. [He gives the letter another hard look.] AKANE [in a more serious tone] Ranma... [Ranma looks up at Akane.] ...Is it true? RANMA OF COURSE NOT! I don't write stuff like this! [POW!! Something heavy hits Ranma's cheek, which turns out to be Akane's backpack. Ranma peels the pack off his face, noticing that Akane is no longer attached to it.] RANMA Akane? [He glances around, looking for her. Suddenly a shadow appears, and he turns to see someone with a sword and an evil tint in his eyes. When he speaks, we recognize him:] KUNOU Ranma Saotome, you have taken my patience TOO FAR! Claiming your love to Akane is too heartbreaking for me. It is unforgivable. That letter has become your invitation to DEATH!! RANMA But I didn-- [Ranma can't finish his sentence as Kunou charges. Kunou swings, but Ranma jumps up and uses Kunou's sword as a catapult to leap up to the top of a building.] RANMA (whew) Safe at las-- YAAH! [He barely avoids getting slashed by a razor-sharp spinning scarf as he lands on the roof. The scarf returns to its owner, Ryoga, who seems to have flames burning out of his skin. Even Ranma is a little frazzled at Ryoga's new look.] RYOGA [evil voice] Ranma... RANMA [hoping to cool Ryoga down] Eh heh. Ryoga, hi! RYOGA [tears in his eyes] I spent four days getting here to send a personal letter to Akane only to hear you beat me to it. My chances to be happy with Akane have been dashed! [Tears start flooding out of his eyes.] I'LL KILL YOU!!! [Time to run. Ranma jumps off the building, landing next to a garden hose. As Ryoga follows, Ranma turns on the hose and shoots a spray of water at him.] RYOGA EEYAAAAHHH!! [Ryoga transforms into P-chan and falls unglamorously to the ground. He quickly recovers, however, and starts biting Ranma's ankle.] RANMA OUCH!! Now wait a second! I didn't... OW!!! [Ranma runs, trying to pull the pig off his ankle.] [Cut to later. Ranma, with a bandaged leg, walks up a street, looking tired. He hears his stomach growl.] RANMA [rolling his eyes] Oh, brother. Hmm... maybe I can get some food at the Nekohanten. [He arrives at the Nekohanten. As he walks through the door, a wind picks up and he feels a sense of chill. He looks around but sees nothing out of the ordinary. He calls out:] RANMA Shampoo! [Shampoo enters.] SHAMPOO [very sarcastic] Yes, Ranma? May I help you? RANMA Could I have a bowl of ramen, please? SHAMPOO No. RANMA NO?! WHY?!? [Shampoo hands him a menu, pointing at the small script at the bottom. Ranma peers at it.] RANMA I can't read this. It's in Chinese. SHAMPOO Read the Japanese underneath. [The Japanese reads: "WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE." Shampoo heads for the kitchen, in tears.] SHAMPOO Sorry, Ranma. You just don't love me anymore. RANMA Is this about that stupid letter? I DIDN'T WRITE IT! [Shampoo turns.] Look, it may have been my handwriting, but I never wrote it! [She looks at him in a more loving way.] SHAMPOO Really? RANMA Yes. [Her gaze hardens.] SHAMPOO You know, you don't lie very well! [She pours a bucket of cold water on herself. Transformed into a cat, she flings herself at Ranma, who freaks.] RANMA SHAMPOO!! IT'S THE TRUTH!! HONEST!!!! [He charges around the restaurant, trying to get away from her.] [He trips over something and crashes to the floor. Shampoo jumps on top of him, hissing, and Ranma goes into shock. Just then hot water is poured on Shampoo, and she becomes human again, minus her clothes. Instantly embarassed, she jumps up and runs back to retrieve her clothes. Ranma picks himself off the floor and looks to see where the hot water came from. He sees Cologne holding an empty kettle. Cologne puts the kettle down and picks up a set of darts.] COLOGNE Shampoo, he's right. [THUNK. She throws a dart at an unseen dartboard.] He didn't write that letter. It was his copy. [THUNK. Another dart is thrown.] RANMA My COPY?? COLOGNE Oh yes. About 400 years ago, a great ancient warrior needed to recruit more men after one of his bloodiest battles. But the truth was (THUNK), most of the good warriors in his country had died. So he made a deal with a powerful magician, who created a new plant. (THUNK) A cactus that could replicate another person. Anyone who used this cactus (THUNK) could create an exact replica of himself. After that the mighty warrior and his band of replicates went out to win one of their most glorious battles. But the warrior also discovered (THUNK) the side effect of the replicas. If a replica tries to take the soul of a loved one during the sunset, both the replica and the beloved will disappear. One of the replicates found the warrior's wife and ran off with her into the setting sun. They both vanished (THUNK) in front of the warrior's eyes. Isn't that right, (THUNK) Happosai?! [Now we see the dartboard Cologne has been throwing the darts at. Happosai hangs from it, and the darts surround his body.] HAPPOSAI [blushing] PLEASE! I didn't know that! Please let me down!! [Cologne pulls out a long sheet of paper and shoves it in front of Happosai's face.] COLOGNE Not until you pay your dinner bill! RANMA So that "dream" I had the other night was real. And *he* wrote the love letter... HE'S AFTER AKANE! [Ranma charges out of the Nekohanten.] --- COMMERCIAL BREAK --- [Scene: Outside the Tendo home. A very upset Akane comes running home and races into her bedroom. Once there, she spots another note.] AKANE [She grabs the note and opens it, it reads:] RANMA (V-O) Akane, Meet me at the park to watch the sunset. Love, Ranma. [Akane just looks at the note for a minute.] AKANE [She checks her watch; it reads 4:30.] [Elsewhere, Ranma is dashing down the street, with Kunou close behind, sword swinging fiercely.] KUNOU DIE, RANMA SAOTOME!! RANMA [Shampoo catches up with Ranma on her bike.] SHAMPOO Ranma? RANMA Yes, Shampoo? SHAMPOO Why do you want to save Akane? RANMA If anything happens to Akane, how will I explain to the Tendo family? [Quick flash of Ranma being confronted by a demonic-eyed, forked-tongued Soun.] Akane's father would kill me! SHAMPOO Is that all? RANMA NO. Kunou, Ryoga, Happosai, the entire male population of the Furinkan High School... SHAMPOO Understood. RANMA Plus, remember that the Ranma copy is a part of me. [Ranma's last comment is more of a jest than anything else, but it has an effect:] SHAMPOO I won't let ANY part of you love someone that you can't stand, especially if it isn't ME! I promise! [Ranma smiles for a second, but then has to get back to fighting.] RANMA [Ranma and Shampoo fight their way through a barrage of male adversaries, all with Akane on their mind: the hockey team, the Judo team, the Kempo team, the Drama Club, the Chemistry Club, the Akane Tendo Fan Club, and so on. Ranma and Shampoo fight through them all, leaving dazed piles of men behind...] [Cut to the park. Akane, in more comfortable attire, waits there. She checks her watch, which reads 6:30. The sun is just about to touch the tall buildings in the distance.] RANMA COPY [from above, merrily] Hi, Akane! [Akane looks up to see "Ranma" in a treetop, holding a big bouquet of roses. He jumps down and offers the roses to Akane. She is touched, but also suspicious.] AKANE [angrily] Wha... What are these roses for? RANMA COPY For you. AKANE [taking a step back, a bit nervous] What do you want? RANMA COPY Akane... I love you. [Akane is taken aback and just looks at "Ranma".] AKANE [A feeling passes through her mind which she doesn't understand, but which is distinctly... feminine. Her expression softens.] Ranma... ["Ranma" holds Akane's right shoulder with one hand, her left hand with the other. Behind them the sun turns the sky into a reddish haze, and seems to create sparkles around the two as they look into each other's eyes.] RANMA AKANE!!! [The real Ranma and Shampoo come crashing through one of the nearby bushes, scaring both Akane and the Ranma copy.] AKANE Ranma..?! [She looks at the real Ranma and then at the fake Ranma, who is still holding her hand. Then she realizes something:] Wait a minute! Ranma is right-handed. You're holding me with your left hand!! [She pulls away and slaps the Ranma copy hard across his face, leaving an imprint. Meanwhile Ranma and Shampoo have taken up fighting stances.] RANMA [to the Ranma copy] You let go of Akane right now!! [He looks into the red eyes of his opponent.] I'm ready to fight, even if my opponent is myself!! [Just then the lawn sprinklers come on. Ranma-chan questions her previously manly pose. The next thing she sees is Shampoo, in cat form, below her, and immediately freaks out. She goes crashing through another bush with Shampoo following. The Ranma copy gives Akane a devilish smile and grabs her. Akane tries to resist but it's clear that the Ranma copy is just as strong as the original. Akane is slowly dragged away to points unknown.] AKANE RANMA!!! [Meanwhile, Ryoga makes his way toward the park, trying to decipher where the hell he is.] RYOGA Ranma, where are you? [He spots Ranma-chan running and screaming.] RANMA!! [Ranma-chan goes crashing through a bush and Ryoga follows... right into a lawn sprinkler. P-chan squeals in frustration. Meanwhile, Akane continues to scream as the Ranma clone slowly drags her toward the sunset. By this time the sky has turned completely red, with the sun barely peeking above the horizon. As luck would have it, Ranma-chan comes screaming out of another bush and plows into the Ranma clone, knocking both of them down. Akane breaks free and hides behind a nearby tree. Ranma-chan recovers, and discovers she's right on top of the clone's stomach. Then the Ranma copy recovers and looks deeply into Ranma-chan's eyes.] RANMA-CHAN Huh? RANMA COPY You're... You're cute... RANMA-CHAN [wide-eyed] WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!? [The sun disappears below the horizon. Ranma-chan's heart pounds, and she realizes her hands are becoming transparent.] AKANE RANMA!! [Akane watches, horrified, as Ranma-chan tries to speak but no sound is heard. She reaches out to Akane, but is fading away, along with the Ranma copy. As the red horizon darkens, the grassy area where the Ranmas are becomes black, and both Ranmas disappear, leaving only silence. Akane drops to her knees.] AKANE Ranma... [With a flicker, a nearby lamppost lights up. As the lamp powers up and grows brighter, the area where the Ranmas were is illuminated again. Akane looks up to see Ranma-chan lying unconscious on the grass.] AKANE Ranma!! [She runs over to Ranma-chan, and is joined by Cologne a moment later. Ranma-chan stirs and her eyes open. Then she bolts upright.] RANMA-CHAN What happened?! COLOGNE Your copy is gone. Since you were both the same, you cancelled each other out. Neither one of you could overcome the other. [Ranma-chan notices a kettle nearby and pulls it over, pouring the hot water on herself and changing back into the male Ranma. Then he pauses:] RANMA [He finds out as Shampoo gives him a big hug.] SHAMPOO Ranma, you're all together again! (giggle) [Ranma pushes Shampoo away, but it's too late: Akane is walking away, disheartened.] [Cut to the next day, at the Tendo home. Akane takes out a few concrete blocks. She stands up for a moment, and notices a paper airplane flying in front of her. It reads "AIR PANDA" on the side. She catches it and unfolds it. It is a note which reads:] NOTE Akane, Don't be so sad or angry. You look cuter when you smile. - Ranma P.S.: BAKA!! [Akane furiously tears the paper to shreds, then thinks about it for a moment and smiles.] [Sitting on the roof, Ranma looks up at the sky.] RANMA [His train of thought is cut short as he hears:] KUNOU Akane, I love you!! [Ranma looks out to the street, and sees Kunou with a big bouquet of roses, chasing after Akane.] RANMA Wait a minute. Isn't Akane in the dojo? [He looks down. Sure enough, Akane *is* in the dojo. He looks out at Kunou chasing after another Akane.] Oh boy... [By this time Kunou's shouting has caught Akane's attention. She walks out of the dojo to see Ranma, a horrid expression on his face.] AKANE [insulted] What's wrong, Ranma? Am I still too effeminate for you? RANMA It's not that. [He glances after Kunou.] I thought I saw your sense of humor run down the street just now. [Enraged, Akane leaps to the roof and grabs Ranma.] AKANE BAKA!!! [Akane throws Ranma into the fishpond. Ranma-chan surfaces, spitting water, just in time to be grabbed by Happosai.] RANMA-CHAN AIEEEEEE!!! NOT AGAIN!!! [She sends Happosai into orbit.] = = = T H E E N D = = =