From: lorddoc@aol.com (Lord Doc)
Subject: [Ranma][XOVER] Who Loves Shampoo?!?

RanmaWho
Who is in love with Shampoo?!?
by Stephen M. Wolterstorff

     After a moment, the brains of those in the living room of the Tendo
dojo snapped into gear. Synapses fired once again. Brain wave activity
increased. Their minds finally allowed them to realize what they were
almost seeing. The Doctor, for reasons still unknown, was kissing Shampoo.
And making a project of the task at that. Reactions to this event slowly
began dripping from those watching.
     Kasumi's hand flew to her cheek. "Oh my!" she exclaimed.
     One of Nabiki's eyebrows raised. "This is new information."
     Genma and Soun's eyeballs returned to their sockets. That done, they
returned to their regular, calm expressions. "Some people," Genma noted,
"have all the luck." Soun grunted his agreement with this statement.
     Ranma's expression was one of mild bewilderment. "I didn't think he
had it in him."
     Akane just stared and blinked. This was more unreal than if Happosai
entered the house and announced he was now gay.
     Julie slumped. Her eyes held a silent pain as thoughts ran through
her head. "I thought the Doctor wasn't the sort of guy who had the time
for extremely personal relationships. I'd always thought . . . hoped that,
if he was going to kiss someone, it would be me. Maybe . . . maybe it's
just me." She looked near tears.
     Ranma sighed. "Well, I guess this calls off the TARDIS search." A
series of grunts and 'I guess so's answered him.
     Outside, the embrace finally broke up. Shampoo gasped for air. The
other, who had been positively identified as the Doctor, bowed slightly.
"Be seeing you." Whistling, he bounded away.
     Akane snapped out of her trance and leapt to the door, flinging it
open. With a speed that frightened and astonished, she grabbed hold of the
stunned Shampoo and dragged her inside. Seating her at the table, Akane
gave  Shampoo a simple, if threateningly given, command. "Explain."
     Shampoo fought down the urge to cry over a plan blown due to error.
Crushed, wounded, and highly weirded out by the Doctor's current course of
action, she wanted to cry it all out. Were it not for Akane's presence,
she would, trying to get sympathy from Ranma. However, she desired to show
no weakness before Akane and, slowly, she controlled herself. "Great
grandmother made potion for Shampoo to put in Ranma's drink. Potion must
have got in Doctor's drink instead."
     Nabiki had reclaimed her calm, unbothered expression. "It was a love
potion, wasn't it?" Shampoo, unable to look at Nabiki, preferring the look
of her own feet, nodded. "My, how original."
     "Sometimes," Soun noted, "the old moves work best."
     Nabiki frowned slightly. "Well, it's like they didn't bother to try
and come up with something new for us to deal with."
     "I think dealing with a love stricken Doctor is original enough,"
Akane added somewhat caustically, thinking this was really a side topic
they needn't get into.
     "Not much," Nabiki grumbled.
     Akane decided to ignore her unless she was going to say something
useful.
     Shampoo stood, her head bowed. "I must go, tell great grandmother I
fail."
     Firmness dominated Akane's features. "We're going with her, aren't we
Ranma?"
     For his part, Ranma looked befuddled. "We are?"
     "Yes, so we can get an antidote."
     "Oh, yeah. Right."
     Shampoo headed for the door, followed by Ranma. Akane trailed close
behind, dragging the still semi stunned Julie behind her.
     Genma looked at Soun. "Time for another game?"

     Akane was as surprised as Shampoo when Cologne did not explode with
anger when told the bad news. She did not yell, scream, or fume. She
merely 'hmmed'. "The Doctor received the potion, did he? This is not
good."
     "Tell me about it," Akane said rather flippantly.
     "You don't seem to understand," Cologne replied firmly. "If my
information is correct, the Doctor is an alien. The potion likely
interacted oddly with his body chemistry. It was not meant to change the
personality of the recipient so drastically."
     "Glad to hear it," Ranma mumbled.
     "It was merely meant to muddle the mind slightly. This description of
the Doctor's actions show a complete personality change."
     "We'd like to change him back," Akane hinted.
     "Please!" Shampoo ejaculated.
     "An antidote would be appreciated," continued Akane.
     "The potion may purge itself from his body as it would have from
Ranma's. Perhaps. Even so, we don't wish to wait for that to happen."
     Ranma blinked. "Why not?"
     Cologne fidgeted only slightly. "The normal biological way of purging
the potion would likely involve marriage and a honeymoon, at which point
Ranma would have been trapped."
     Julie's eyes went big and she passed out.
     Akane and Ranma's eyes had grown in stature as well. "Y-you mean . .
." Akane stammered. Cologne merely nodded in reply. Inhaling deeply, Akane
reclaimed control over herself and returned to the attack. "Well, there
must be another way to cure him; an antidote to the potion."
     "For every potion there is an equal and opposite repotion," Ranma
quipped.
     "Not so, son-in-law," Cologne informed, bursting his bubble. "When
the wise ones, such as myself, create these mixtures, we expect those
using them to utilize them correctly. We don't always immediately create
an antidote in the event of error."
     Ranma gaped. "So there's no antidote? No way to fix the Doctor's
mind?" A choked off sob escaped Shampoo.
     "I never said that son-in-law. However, the elements of the antidote
are very rare indeed. I do not know how soon I shall be able to create the
antidote, or if it will be possible for me to do so at all."
     "Then I suppose we'd better let you get to work," Ranma noted.
     "Yes, you should."

 Hidden behind the kitchen door, having listened to the entire
conversation, was a raging Mousse. Smoke gently filtered from his ears.
His entire face turned a deep shade of crimson. He was used to Ranma's
worthless title of 'son-in-law' and Cologne's twisted actions to attempt
to break the bond of true love between himself and Shampoo, so, while
these bothered him, they did so to a lesser degree than the idea that
there existed another attempting to . . . to defile his precious Shampoo!
How dare he! Only one course of action presented itself to him. Moments
later, he was banging through the back door, determined to track down this
'Doctor' and 'inform' him of some important truths.

 A shadowy figure was perched atop the building across the street from the
Nekohaten. Patiently, he watched and waited; his short, dark hair being
tousled gently by the breeze than almost always existed at roof top level.
He watched as three people exited the restaurant. He had watched earlier
as four people had entered the restaurant.
     The young man began to chortle with joy. "Ah yes. Happiness and
extreme bliss will be mine soon again. When they entered, Shampoo, the
loveliest, sweetest creature ever to grace this planet, was with them.
They have left and she is not among their number. Ergo, she is inside.
Ergo, I can go and bask in the wonderfulness that is Shampoo." The
moonlight flashed in his eyes and, briefly, he held his clasped hands to
his left hand heart and released a sigh of happiness. He looked like he
was close to creating poetry or a song. He had it bad.
     Mousse took this moment to clamber up to the rooftop and stare hard
at the figure crouched nearby. He'd no idea what the Doctor looked like,
nor was he likely to be able to recognize him even if he did know what the
Doctor looked like. Mousse fidgeted with his glasses and tried his best to
focus. He'd approached this rooftop in order to begin his search and,
having heard the ramblings of this figure, he felt safe in believing this
individual was the one he was searching to find. "You there!" he
announced, pointing at the man. "Identify yourself!"
     The man stood and directed a love soaked expression Mousse's way,
although said love was not for he. The figure blended in with the darkness
around him. He wore a black turtleneck sweater, dark slacks and dark
shoes. For a brief moment while he moved to stand, it appeared that his
head was floating in the air. Truly a chilling sight. Cheerily, the figure
finally answered Mousse's cry. "I am Steve Smith, traveler, wordsmith and
worshiper at the temple of Shampoo."
     Mousse frowned. Apparently this was not the Doctor. However, it
seemed this crazed sweater wearer was in love with Shampoo. Might as well
deal with him now and then go look for this 'Doctor' person. "If you are a
worshiper at Shampoo's temple, then I am high priest of that temple. As
high priest I declare there be no followers but me! Prepare to fight!" He
stepped into a battle stance.
     Steve Smith, who looked a great deal like the Doctor, despite the
clothes, because he was the mind corrupted Doctor, raised his eyes skyward
to the bright shining moon above. "Ah, if it be necessary for me to fight
to protect our love Shampoo, then, like the noble knights of old, fight I
shall." Turning his attention to Mousse, he also took up a stance. "Foul
knave! Prepare to be shown the error of your beliefs. Shampoo is priestess
of her love and she save it for me and me alone. Your blasphemy cannot go
excused." Then, the battle was joined.
     Both combatants leapt in the air, silhouetted by the full moon above.
At the apex of their flight, before Steve could land his blow, a bamboo
rod slid from Mousse's right sleeve and he biffed Steve in the noggin with
it. Steve feel to the ground while Mousse landed properly.
     "Ah, now I understand the rules of this little scrap," Steve muttered
as he lay on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched where
Mousse landed and directed a leg sweep at his ankles. Mousse hopped over
the leg, but was stunned by Steve's quick leap to his feet and kick to
Mousse's chin. Mousse crashed to the ground.
     This did not improve Mousse's mood at all. He rose again, angrier
than ever. "All right then!" Small sticks carved to a point on one end
began appearing in each hand and he began flinging them rather close to
Steve's person. Where it not for his continual twisting and dodging, it's
likely that many of those pointed sticks would have made contact with
Steve and caused him a good deal of pain. However, as hinted, all missed
their target.
     Steve decided around this time that he cared for this chap's attitude
not one little bit and he needed to be taught a lesson. With such an idea
in mind, he dodged Mousse's next kick, a handful of confetti, a plastic
Christmas tree, three playing cards, an empty soda can, a full soda can
(which exploded upon hitting the roof, as it had been violently shaken
before throwing), a cassette tape, four five yen pieces, and a fishcake.
By this time, Steve was quite cross and perfectly ready to thump this
rascal good. So, ignoring a few of the more polite rules of combat, he
stepped forward, getting in Mousse's face while dodging the swings of a
rather poorly balanced paper towel roll, and punched him hard in the
stomach.
     Mousse, understandably enough due to the force of the blow, crumpled
slightly. However, to his credit, he did not collapse. "Heathen!" Steve
cried, taking the 'temple' reference a bit farther, perhaps even too far.
"To think that mere parlour tricks could defeat the true love of Shampoo!"
     Mousse began to flush with anger. "I am the true love of Shampoo!" So
hollering, he delivered a violent backhand to Steve which knocked him back
and over. He slid down the roof, got a brief hold on the edge, and then
fell. Eager to see what had happened to his opponent, Mousse scampered to
the edge of the roof and peered down. Steve appeared to be fine, standing
on both feet. That brief moment of hanging on the roof edge must have
given him the opportunity to arraign himself to land correctly. Good for
him. Of course, this would not end the battle, so Mousse leapt down to the
alley to continue the fight.
     Still mildly dazed, Steve ducked as Mousse came swooping down at him.
"Come down for more, eh?" Steve asked loudly. He was trying to disguise
the fact that he'd gotten clipped in the temple by a piece of roof and
he'd much rather lay down to have a nice nap.
     "You will renounce your false claim to Shampoo before I will leave
you be," Mousse declared.
     "As you say, foul fiend," Steve retorted. He stepped forward and trod
on a piece of greased paper that had blown free from a nearby garbage can.
Yelping in surprise, he slid forward at great speed, surprising Mousse as
well. They crashed together hard. Steve managed to recover first. In one
movement, he kicked Mousse's left knee and jabbed his throat. Gasping for
air, Mousse was unable to dodge Steve's blow to his forehead and Mousse
fell to the ground.
     Given a moment's rest, Steve held his aching head. He could not
remember a time that he'd been forced to fight this hard, but at least the
cause was a right one. he had no real desire to hurt Mousse, but he could
not allow him to speak of Shampoo in the manner he was doing so either.
Mousse, groaning slightly, began to rise and Steve positioned himself,
preparing for his next attack.
     Steve decided a jump kick might get the results he wanted, namely:
Mousse's unconsciousness. Having come to this decision, he acted upon it,
leaping at Mousse. Despite his grogginess, Mousse saw the oncoming attack
and avoided it, leaving Steve to crash to the wall behind.
     From each sleeve of his billowing shirt, Mousse withdrew a length of
bamboo, which he fitted together and then screwed them closed, into one
longer length. He swung down at Steve with this pole, catching him in the
small of the back, causing him great pain. Learning quickly that not
moving was likely to cause him more pain than moving, Steve rolled away,
narrowly dodging Mousse's next swing.
     Steve jumped to his feet and quickly realized what a bad idea that
was. Nausea washed over him. He began grinding his teeth in an effort to
focus his mind on the matter at hand. Losing in a battle of the heart like
this would send him straight to disgraceland, so he would have to
accelerate his efforts in order to win. Mousse swung at Steve's head with
the bamboo rod. Steve blocked it with his left wrist, releasing a cry that
was likely pain and not a focusing technique while doing so. Steve managed
to get his hands on the bamboo and they began fighting over it.
     Steve clenched his teeth together tightly and focused his anger,
pain, and feelings for Shampoo. The corresponding hormonal rush gave him
the strength to force the pole skyward; more specifically, he picked
Mousse up.
     This befuddled Mousse. Why were his feet not touching the ground?
Steve appeared to be concentrating, but he was far away and hard to see.
With a loud cry, this time of excessive energy, Steve flung Mousse down
onto a barrel. To his surprise, Mousse did not crash down atop the barrel,
but splashed down into it. Steve had been of the opinion that the barrel
in question had a lid on it, but he was in the process of revising that
opinion, due to the events that had transpired. It appeared to be a
rainbarrel. Perhaps this dunking would return the young man to his senses
and he would surrender due to being in the presence of Shampoo's true
love.
     Steve was surprised again when Mousse did not emerge from the barrel,
but, instead, a loud mouthed duck with a pair of thick glasses perched on
his bill did instead. Both Steve's eyebrows jumped up and he let out a low
whistle. To be honest, he wasn't quite sure what to make of this. One
thing seemed clear to him. "It seems I've won," Steve announced. A smile
growing on his sore face, he turned to face the Nekohaten.
     This attitude only served to anger the duck, which began quacking
madly and, quite likely, foully. Steve twisted to face him and snapped
"Silence Donald!" He turned back around and let dignity overtake him. "I
have no time to waste here. My love, a love more pure than any other in
history, bids my feet onward to the interior of the restaurant and joy
beyond your simple comprehension. You and I are not birds of a feather.
You may be, however, I shall not flock with you. Shampoo is a delicate
flower and I pray mine are the hands that will arraign her. Farewell,
Donald." His piece finished, he made his way to the nearby restaurant
without haste.
     The Nekohaten was dark. The sign in the window read 'Closed'. Steve
hmmed. "This was certainly unexpected. I shall return tomorrow, with the
sun on my back, a smile on my face, and love in my heart." Stepping back
from the door, he blew a kiss at the restaurant and leapt away into the
night, ignoring the echoing quacking from the alleyway.

Part 2

     Julie grunted as she was slowly nudged awake. "Hmm, whoizit?" she
questioned. Slowly, she pried her eyes open and was able to see her
awakener. The Doctor smiled down at her, his trenchcoat curling around him
like a cape. "It's me," said he, as if the words would cause instant
identification.
     She snapped awake, pulling her covers up politely over her pajama
clad form. "Doctor!" she said through a smile, "what's going on?"
     "It's time to go."
     "In the middle of the night? Isn't that a little rude?" she chided
with a friendly tone.
     The Doctor's grin grew gently bashful around the edges. "I'm not much
for goodbyes, but I felt I owed you one, seeing as how we've spent so much
time together."
     A blank look overtook Julie's face. "What?"
     He continued as if he hadn't heard. "I've left the Tendos a note. I'm
sure they'll take care of you until you get situated."
     "You're not taking me with you?" She sounded quite heartbroken.
     "Wasn't planning on it." He stood up. "Have a great life. Perhaps
I'll drift past again to visit. You never know where time will lead you.
Ta." He left the room.
     "Wait. Wait!" In a panic, Julie untangled herself from her bedsheets
and ran to catch up with him.
     She found him in the back garden, opening up the TARDIS. Fear
clutching her, she cried at his back. "You can't just leave me!"
     He turned, puzzlement evident on his face. "Can't I? You know the old
saying: two's company, three's a crowd."
     "Three?"
     Shampoo stepped out of the TARDIS and smiled. With a wave, she aimed
a "Ni hao" at Julie.
     Words failed her for the first few moments. Eventually, Julie's mouth
kicked into gear again. "You're leaving here with her?"
    "Yep. Don't we make quite the couple?"
     "But, but, but I thought you just didn't . . . you were too old . .
to . . I thought you didn't date."
     "It seems you were wrong, hmm? I just hadn't found the right lady
yet. Now I have." He wrapped an arm around Shampoo and gave her a gentle
squeeze.
     Julie felt light headed. "No. This is a cruel joke. No."
     "Sorry Julie. You just don't crank my engine. Must dash. We've a date
with the sauna inside. Ta." Then, as if driving the stake deeper into her
heart, he turned and kicked Shampoo passionately on the lips.
     Julie screamed.
     She awoke in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. It was only a dream,
she reminded herself. Thank god.
     A groan from her roommate attracted her attention and a mildly guilty
look crept over Julie's face. Akane rolled over to face Julie and opened
her eyes just a crack. "You okay?" she mumbled.
     "Yeah, I'm fine. Did I wake you up?"
     "Maybe."
     "Sorry."
     "Is okay. You only broke up this weird dream I've been having the
last few nights. I don't know why but I'm in body armour and flying over
the city. Don't remember anything else about it."
     "I had a weird dream too."
     Akane yawned but her eyes were open wider than before. "Want to tell
me about it?"
     Julie stared at her knees, which she was hugging. After a couple
minutes, she said "Okay." Slowly, she began explaining the dream to Akane
in all it's horror.
     Akane's eyes were completely open once the dream had been related.
"Wow. Do you think he's likely to try that?" Julie turned and gave her a
glare which made Akane cringe and smile defensively. "Just a joke."
     "I don't really think I have much to worry about in that way."
     Akane smirked. "It sounds as if you've got a bit of a thing for the
Doctor. Pining away with a secret love? If you like, I'll tell him for
you."
     "Don't you dare!" Julie hissed. "Anyway, it's not like that."
     "How so?"
     Julie paused and searched for the correct words to express herself.
"The Doctor isn't really the romantic type."
     "He's not the only one," Akane muttered, thinking of a pony tailed
boy she knew that she DID NOT LIKE!
     "No, not like that. The Doctor just seems somewhat, well, neutral in
a way. He doesn't appear to have any kind of sex drive."
     "Oh. Weird. I think I understand." She blinked. "Weird."
     "The main reason I decided to travel with him at first was because I
kinda had a . . . thing for him. He never responded to any encouragement.
After some research I began discovering he's just not that kind of guy. I
kinda thought I had put my feelings away but, with this potion business,
they seem to have floated up again." She hugged her knees tighter. "I
don't know quite what to do. I . . I thought that, well, if he was going
to . . . to chase someone, I thought it would be me, ya know?"
     "I understand."
     "I think that's why this bothers me. The hypothetic situation has
happened, but it hasn't happened the way I thought it would."
     "Do you have any idea what you're going to do?"
     Julie shook her head. "Not a clue yet. I do feel better now, getting
this all out of me. I don't get to talk to anybody about this really."
     "Glad I could be of help then. If I think of something, I'll let you
know, hmm?"
     "You seem used to the idea."
     Akane shrugged her shoulders. "I'm used to romantic problems, you're
used to thwarting alien invasions. We have our specialities."
     A smile crept over Julie's face. "I guess you're right there." She
laid back down and got comfortable in her bedclothes. "Good night Akane,
and thanks."
     Akane settled back in bed. "Night Julie."
     Soon they slept.

     Morning dawned and with it brought plans in the minds of many to
track down the disturbed Doctor. Two were discarded regretfully after
hearing the words "You're going to school."
     "Ah, come on Pop," Ranma retorted. "He's lost and we need to find him
to cure him."
     Genma sat, arms and legs crossed, looking impervious to pleading.
"The Doctor does not appear to be in any danger. You and Akane can go to
school like normal."
     Akane put on her puppy dog eyes and directed them at her father.
"Please Dad, we can find him, I feel bad we haven't already."
     Soun looked as stern as Genma. "The Doctor is not about to hurt
himself or others. You two can go to school."
     Julie swallowed and smiled at them. "Don't worry too much. I'll look
around for him and I'll come get you when you get home from school."
     Grumbling slightly underneath their collective breath, Akane and
Ranma finished their breakfast before heading for school.

     Ranma was fuming as they walked to school. Akane was cross, but
distracted enough by Julie's problem to keep her from being visibly upset.
"Man, this sucks," Ranma commented. "The Doctor needs our help."
     "We don't know that Cologne has the cure ready yet," Akane noted,
arguing their parents' point.
     Still walking, facing straight ahead, Ranma smacked his fist into his
palm. "For safe keeping, we should find him to keep him from trouble."
     "The only one in danger from him is Shampoo."
     "Makes no difference."
     "If the potion caused the Doctor to chase me instead of Shampoo,
would you be as determined to find him?"
     "No."
     "No?" Her teeth clenched uncontrollably and she prepared to throw
something at him.
     "I wouldn't have to, he wouldn't have left the dojo." Ranma suddenly
stopped and stared into the park they were approaching. "Doesn't that guy
look like the Doctor? Apart from the way he's dressed I mean."
     Akane maneuvered herself so that she could see where he was
gesturing. "Ranma, I think that is the Doctor." Ranma squinted as Akane
continued. "Remember, we found his coat and shirt. He may have changed
clothes."
     A firm look of resolution slid over Ranma's face. There was but one
decision to make as far as he was concerned. He handed Akane his bookbag
while he kept an eye on the hormonally imbalanced Time Lord. "Go home, get
Julie. I'm going to trail him." For a moment, Akane was stuck between the
logic of Ranma's order and the declaration for her to go to school. "Go on
already! Hopefully he'll stay nearby and you'll be able to find me
quickly." Making her mind up with a nod, Akane ran back home.
     Trying to keep out of the Doctor's line of vision, Ranma leapt from
the fence into the park. Slipping from tree to tree, he grew closer and
closer to the Doctor. As he peered around a tree, Ranma allowed himself a
smile. The Doctor looked totally unaware that he was being followed.
Excellent. Ranma observed what the Doctor was up to for a while. Nothing
he did was particularly interesting. He smiled madly at people. He waved
to birds. He talked to trees. Ranma grunted in sympathy for his friend.
The Doctor was showing many signs of love. Poor guy, probably doesn't know
how to deal with it at all.
     The Doctor strolled around a bend in the path and Ranma was forced to
move to another tree in order to be able to continue watching him. He
peered around his new tree. Shock visibly overwhelmed him. While the piece
of path was long and open, the Doctor was not to be found on it.
     This made no sense to Ranma. Unless the Doctor had run at top speed,
there was no way he could have disappeared from the strip. The Doctor had
no reason to run. What was going on?
     Suddenly, Ranma felt a tap on his shoulder. He whirled around and was
hit by shock again. The Doctor was standing there, smiling politely.
"Hello young man. You were following me. I am curious to know why." There
was no animosity in his voice, just a sickening sweetness.
     Ranma's mouth opened and closed a number of times before any noise
came from it. "I was, uh, just, um, playing a game. Yeah, playing a game.
I wasn't following you, you must not have seen my friend that I was
following." Ranma was quick enough to realize that telling the Doctor he
was being followed so that they could cure his addiction to Shampoo would
not be a good idea.
     The Doctor's eyes narrowed and no longer looked friendly. "I find
that difficult to believe. Either you are in league with that near blind
chap from last night or you too are a false lover of Shampoo. Am I right?"
     Ranma stumbled and babbled again. "N-no. Of course not." The Doctor's
stare was very penetrating and unnerving. It made Ranma jumpy.
     "I find that hard to believe. Defend yourself!"
     "That I can do." Arms clashed in battle.

 Akane and Julie ran into the park, beginning to gasp. "Are you sure he's
in here?" Julie queried as they paused to catch their breath.
     "We saw him in here. Don't know if they're still in here," Akane
replied. After their pause, they began walking quickly through the park,
searching for the Doctor and/or Ranma.
     As they went around a turn, a groan attracted their collective
attention. "Ranma!" Akane cried, correctly identifying the groaner. They
dashed to his dazed side.
 Ranma was holding his head. "I think he hit me with a tree," he grunted.
"He was babbling something about the power of Shampoo's love making him
unstoppable . . ." He paused and let Julie finish her pained noise as she
grasped the flesh near her heart. "I feel bad, he beat me so easily. He
caught a nerve in my arm and I think he threw me into a tree, I'm not
sure." He winced as he examined his head. "What a bump."
 "So, are we going to go to school and weight train with buckets of water
again?" Akane questioned. "In three seconds we will be officially late."
 Ranma blew wind past his lips indicating with a noise his disgust with
this idea. "I don't think so. I owe the Doctor a smack in the head."
 Julie grasped his hand firmly. "The Doctor is not himself at the moment.
He is owed some leeway I think."
 Ranma gave her a firm look. "He is owed a thump in the head."
 Akane began walking away, tired of this arguing already. "Come on. Let's
start looking for him before he gets too far away." Julie and Ranma gave
each other a look of innocence, as if to ask 'What did we do?' and then
they scampered to catch up with her.

Part 3

 Around noontime, the Doctor made his way to the Nekohaten. His stomach
called out for lunch and his hearts called out for love. With this in
mind, he had decided to kill both birds with one stone.
 Large, demented smile set firmly on his face, he strolled into the
Nekohaten. The small bell attached to the door tinkled gently as said door
moved. He looked totally unbothered by Cologne clumping up to him. "Would
you like a table?" she asked him.
 "If that would prove conducive to my eating in this fine establishment,
then a table is the first thing I desire." Cologne gave him a funny,
almost cross, look. "This way."
 After seating him and handing him a menu, she cast a wary eye over him.
This young man was strange looking and odd in habit. Perhaps even stranger
was the feeling she got from him. Despite his young looks, she got a
feeling of great age from him. His aura was also an odd colour, a mix. He
was someone in transition.
 "The Beef Ramen Supreme sounds quite delectable. Oh yes, and hot tea to
drink please."
 "Certainly. Your order will be ready momentarily." She clumped away to
the kitchen, ignoring the odd glances those few eating gave her.
 True to her word, the ramen was ready within minutes of the order being
taken. Cologne was preparing to deliver the meal when Shampoo entered
through the back door. "Great grandmother. She say they no have any."
     Cologne frowned. "Drat. I require some cairnian herb to complete the
antidote." She held the tray out for Shampoo to take. "Take this to table
12 please. I need to think of where I can get some cairnian herb."
 Obediently, Shampoo took the tray and exited the kitchen. Upon looking at
table 12, Shampoo jumped and choked. He wasn't looking at her, he wasn't
speaking to her, but the lovestruck Doctor still managed to scare her.
Most of the time Shampoo had spent in transit, heading to one store or
another for great grandmother, she had also spent asking herself what
exactly about the hormonal Doctor frightened her so much. A conclusive
answer had not offered itself. In the brief periods of time they had spent
together before this happened, she had thought of him as a very nice
person indeed. Perhaps it was his aggressiveness. She was used to that in
Mousse, but, to be honest, no one else had ever approached her in such an
aggressively romantic way before. She was the one that had started things
with Ranma. Perhaps she was afraid of not having control in a
relationship. For whatever reason, it was on shaky legs that she headed
for table 12 with the Doctor's lunch.
 On her way there, a plan began forming in her mind. Since he wasn't
facing her, she would carefully, quietly, place the tray down and sneak
away before he could turn and notice her. It was a good plan, it was her
plan, and she was going with it. Carefully, quietly, she kept behind him,
keeping out of his line of vision. Closer and closer she drew to him.
Directly behind him, she took a deep breath and started to maneuver the
tray before him. She placed it on the table and began to withdraw her
hand.
 The Doctor spun around, his smile blinding. "Shampoo!" Shampoo jumped,
surprised by his sudden motion. Her plan had failed. She began to twitch
noticeably. "My love, how good of you to bring me my meal. How sweet and
kind of you to ensure my health in such a physical way. You truly are the
finest female in all the world, perhaps even the universe!" He sniffed the
ramen and yummed loudly. "Ah my dear, this smells good enough for a kind."
Suddenly, Shampoo realized he had scooped up her hand and was politely
caressing it. She began to try and retrieve it. Softly, his eyes tossing
meaning into her eyes, he said "A meal fit for a king, my queen."
 She managed a weak smile. "How nice."
 Bowing slightly, he released her hand. "In order to fully appreciate this
delicacy, I must eat it now before it grows too cold. I must return you to
your work. Until later my love." He turned and focused his attention on
his food.
 Shampoo made her way back to the kitchen, her legs shaking and her eyes
vacant, deep in thought. While she shuffled on, she could hear the Doctor
began to declare things loudly for her benefit. "Dear heavens, this ramen
is superb! Blessed be the hands that brought it to me!"
 Some of her strength returned once she reached the safety of the kitchen.
She drew in a long, shuddering breath and tried to stop her knees from
shaking.
 Cologne happened upon her and gave her a look of surprise. It was highly
unlike Shampoo to be so emotionally shaken as she was. "Child, are you
unwell?" she asked with concern.
 "The Doctor at table 12," she explained, her voice weak.
 "Did he do something to you?"
 "He . . he talked nice to me."
 Determination manifested itself on Cologne's face. "I shall go and speak
with him about that." Firmly, she clumped out the door.
 The Doctor was happily slurping up noodles when Cologne materialized at
his side. "Is everything to your satisfaction?" she inquired politely.
 He swallowed and directed a wide smile at her. "Most certainly! I am as
satisfied by this food as much as food can possibly satisfy me."
 "Yes." Cologne narrowed her eyes at him, trying to throw some fear into
him. Considering his eyes were closed due to the intensity of the smile,
her glare had no effect on him. "That young lady who just served you is my
great granddaughter."
 His eyes opened. The smile still existed, but was diminished so that
those peepers could show themselves again. "Of course! How could I not
have known? You look so alike, you share the same beauty. Those eyes! That
smile! You look so related."
 Cologne blushed uncontrollably. "Well, she does take after my side of the
family."
 "She would have to," enthused the Doctor after swallowing another
mouthful of noodles. "Beauty such as that cannot come from just anywhere.
It must be nurtured, trained, carefully treated, as a rose would, in order
for it to bloom properly. I can tell you've played a major role in her
life for her to have turned out so fascinatingly well."
 While Cologne fought for words, the Doctor took advantage of the moment
to eat more of his meal. "I've certainly done my best to mould her. It
hasn't been easy; you know how children are these days."
 The Doctor nodded as he attacked his tea. "I most certainly do. It is a
testimonial to your intelligence and kindness that you've done so well.
Have you ever thought of writing a book in order to share your expertise
with the world?"
 Again, while Cologne blushed, the Doctor ate, his eyes inquisitive,
obviously desiring an answer to his question. "Actually no, I hadn't
thought of that. Do you think it would be a good idea?"
 "Most certainly," responded he. "With abilities such as yours, you could
make the world a better place."
 While images of making the world a better place ran through Cologne's
head, the Doctor downed the last of his meal. Politely, he wiped his mouth
with his napkin. He spared a glance at Cologne, and noticed she was still
lost in her thoughts. Smiling, he placed a bill on the table which was
worth more than double the amount of his meal. Bowing grandly, he
departed, happiness in his walk.
 Shampoo slipped out of the kitchen and made her way to Cologne's side.
"What happened?"
 "He is a very wise man," Cologne said, normality creeping back into her.
"Perhaps I should begin addressing him as 'son-in-law'." Shampoo tensed up
completely and almost passed out. Cologne narrowed her eyes at her. "I was
kidding."
 "No kid no more!" Shampoo enthused, a hand above her heart.

 Ranma had used some logic on Akane, stating that there was a good chance
the Doctor would go to the Nekohaten for lunch as Shampoo would be there.
Akane, who had been getting upset with him due to the fact that he'd spent
all morning calling her 'buckethead', snapped that the only reason Ranma
wanted to go to the Nekohaten was to flirt with Shampoo. After a fight and
the death of an innocent tree, Julie loudly halted the fight and dragged
them off in the direction of the Nekohaten, mumbling about the way
children behaved these days.
 Shampoo offered a sad smile as they entered. "He leave five minutes ago,"
she informed, knowing exactly why they had come.
 Julie winced. "D'oh!" A mildly dirty look got directed toward her
companions. "You and your fighting. We could have caught him."
 "Why didn't you keep him here?" Ranma asked of Shampoo, trying to deflect
as much blame from himself as possible.
 Cologne entered the room and the conversation. "He distracted me and
disappeared. Shampoo reacts badly in his presence; he makes her nervous."
 "He's making us all a bit nervous at the moment," Julie noted.
 "How is the antidote coming along?" Akane queried.
 "I require only one more ingredient, but I fear it will arrive too late."
 "Too late?" Julie asked, large amounts of fear entering her voice. "Too
late for what?"
 "I noted his aura was changing while he was here. I fear the change in
his personality is becoming permanent."
 Julie clutched her chest and began breathing funny. Akane tried to keep
focused. "What do you need?"
 "Cairnian herb. Not a great deal, perhaps a small bowl's worth." She
displayed a size with her hands.
 Ranma scratched his head in thought. "Any ideas on where we could check
for some of that stuff?"
 Akane's eyes flashed with an idea. Excitedly, she turned to the deeply in
thought Julie and suggested "The TARDIS is huge; it might have some in its
stores."
 Julie didn't appear to have heard. A few seconds after Akane spoke, Julie
pounded her hand with her fist. "I've got it!"
 "What?" Ranma asked.
 "The TARDIS is huge; it might have some in its stores."
 Akane rolled her eyes. "Good idea Julie."
 "Right, we'll be back." Julie ran from the restaurant. Ranma and Akane
followed.

 Full of food and happy, love type, energy, the Doctor hummed joyously as
he calmly strolled down the street. Seeing Shampoo again, although it was
for a brief period of time, had made him feel excessively pleased. Warmth
spread through him. Life was good.
 Still humming, he rounded the corner and bounced off something that was
soft but not. Recovering, he realized he hadn't bounced off something but
someone. Ryoga was also recovering from impact. The Doctor smiled. Bumping
into Ryoga was okay.
 Ryoga shook off the mild dazedness that comes over a person when they
actually, physically, literally bump into someone. He was prepared to chew
out (perhaps literally) the person that had hit him, but his anger faded
upon seeing it was the Doctor. He rather liked the Doctor and the Doctor
was in a position to help him. "Hi Doctor."
 A curious look cast itself upon the Doctor's face. He recognized Ryoga.
Ryoga had appeared to recognize him. So why had Ryoga chosen to refer to
him as 'Doctor'? He was Steve Smith, suitor to Shampoo. Perhaps he was
starting a nickname for him. Possibility. "Hello Ryoga," he responded
after a moment's hesitation.
 "I need you help."
 "To do what?"
 "I am trying to find the Tendo Dojo, so I can see Akane after she gets
back from school. But I'm in a section of Tokyo that I'm not familiar
with. Can you tell me which way I need to go?"
 The Doctor hmmed. He found it curious that Ryoga had never been in this
area before. Such is life. "Easy enough." He gestured toward the next
intersection down. "Make a left at that intersection. Go straight through
the next three intersections, then go left again and then right. The
second building down that street is the Tendo Dojo."
 Ryoga smiled happily. "Thanks Doctor. You're a great guy."
 The Doctor smiled back. "I try."
 Ryoga started down the street and waved once as he traveled. Once he
reached the intersection, Ryoga went right instead of left. The Doctor
blinked and then shrugged his shoulders. With nothing left to do, the
Doctor strolled off, humming again.

 Breathlessly, Julie collapsed onto the TARDIS console. She rested for a
second before dragging herself over to the databank screen. Akane fell to
the floor and gasped. "Haven't run that fast for a while," she said
between inhalations. "Feel out of shape."
 Ranma tried to stroll in, to look cool and superior, but his lungs
wouldn't allow that to happen and, halfway to the console, he bent in two,
breathing deeply.
 Julie pushed buttons, striving to remember the operating instructions the
Doctor had given her. "We're in luck," she informed. "There's a supply of
the herb on the ship. It's only a few hallways in, not far at all."
 "A few hallways isn't far?" Ranma asked, having regained most of his
breath.
 "In the TARDIS, a few hallways in nearby. Trust me, I got lost once in
the depths." She walked toward the interior door, with less speed than she
would have liked. "Come on." With oxygen finally filtering to his brain,
Ranma began to stare at the walls, the change in dimensions finally
occurring to him. Awe on his face, he followed Akane, who followed Julie,
into the depths of the ship.

Part 4

 Mousse had overheard Shampoo's conversation with the Doctor. Halfway
through his sweet talking of Cologne, Mousse slipped out the back door.
Mousse couldn't really see him very well, but the voice was familiar. The
person that had identified himself last night as 'Steve Smith' was the
Doctor after all. Revenge would be his.
 Unfortunately for Mousse, he missed the Doctor's exit from the Nekohaten.
Mousse, even trying as hard as he could to focus, wasn't sure when it was
that the Doctor left. After waiting ten minutes, he got bored and decided
to look for the Doctor.
 Mousse almost bumped into Ryoga. Despite knowing Ryoga, Mousse didn't
recognize him. "Excuse me sir," Mousse politely began, "have you seen a
man in a black sweater?"
 "You mean the Doctor?" Ryoga asked.
 Mousse looked shocked. "You know him?"
 "Of course, I was just talking to him." Ryoga pointed to the intersection
behind him. "Go left at that intersection, he was just down that street."
 "Thank you." Ryoga watched as Mousse set off and turned left at the
intersection. "Was that my left or his?" Ryoga mumbled to himself. He
strolled off.

 Cologne's eyes widened slightly as Julie, Akane, and Ranma wheezed their
way into the room. Politely, Cologne waited until they had enough breath
to speak. Julie stretched a hand out, handing a box to Cologne. "Here you
go," Julie gasped. "Cairnian herb."
 "Excellent." Cologne took the herb and stirred it into the thick solution
she'd been working on when the others had entered. "This is almost ready."
 Ranma made a face looking at the stuff. "How are you going to get the
Doctor to drink that?"
 "It is not for drinking son-in-law," Cologne said coolly. "The situation
grows critical. The quickest way to get the potion into his bloodstream is
through the lips. I am preparing the potion as a lip balm."
 "In other words," Akane said, the thoughts trickling into her brain,
"someone will have to kiss him."
 "Obviously."
 Akane looked at Julie. Julie looked at Akane. Julie wiggled her eyebrows
a little as if to say 'this could be good'.
 Cologne continued. "In his current state, he will readily accept a kiss
from Shampoo."
 Shampoo had been quietly all this happen. She chose this moment to break
that silence. "Shampoo no want kiss Doctor. Shampoo love Ranma."
 Akane gritted her teeth. "Look at it this way: if the Doctor is cured,
you don't have to worry about him chasing you anymore and you can
concentrate on chasing Ranma again."
 Shampoo considered this. "Akane have point."
 "If what Cologne says is true, we don't have much time," Julie noted. "He
needs to be kissed soon for his own good. I think we should all go looking
for him."
 "A reasonable suggestion," Cologne replied, "but he has quite a head
start on you. Three is not much of a search party."
 "We could stretch it to four," Akane said, her words dripping with hidden
meaning. She directed a stare Ranma's way.
 Ranma was no fool; he immediately figured out what she meant. "Oh no. He
may be a friend, he may be in trouble, but I'm not kissing him."
 He winced in surprise as the water hit him. Suddenly grumpy, shorter, and
decidedly more female in appearance, Ranma whirled around. "All right, who
did that?" she asked, her voice having climbed an octave or three.
 Asking the question seemed silly as Julie stood right in front of her,
bucket still in hand. "Normally I'd be the last person to ask you to do
something like this, but this is an emergency. I know this won't be the
easiest thing for you to do, and the mere idea of it makes my head hurt,
but please help us." She put on her best, sad eyed, begging stare.
 Akane added her eyes to the battle. "Please Ranma?"
 Not to be outdone, Shampoo put her eyes to work, not really considering
all the consequences. "Please Ranma? Do this for Shampoo?"
 Faced with the pleading gazes of three attractive young ladies, Ranma did
what most young men would do and caved. "Oh, all right. I'll help."
 Cologne stopped her work. "It is ready. Place a sizable portion on your
lips, work it in well and try not to lick it off before you meet him."

 Ranma was exceedingly cross as she walked from the Nekohaten, walking in
the direction given him by Akane. "Stupid girls, making me help them. I'm
kissing nobody!" She didn't notice the odd looks she was getting from
those around her. Speaking out loud to oneself tends to attract attention
to oneself. "What kind of weirdo do they think I am anyway? Crazy girls."
 Still grumbling, she rounded a corner. "Totally sick. They're totally
sick expecting me to kiss him. Totally absolutely sick. Perverse even."
 Kicking a rock violently, she rounded another corner. "Maybe I'll just go
back to..." Shock grasped her person. Walking toward her, demented grin
fixed firmly on his face, was the Doctor. "I have the absolute worst luck
in the world," Ranma muttered.
 He was about to walk past her when she suddenly spouted. "Doctor!"
 A curious look got directed her way. "Are you a friend of Ryoga's?"
 This question caught Ranma somewhat off guard. "I suppose so. Why?"
 "He called me 'Doctor' as well."
 "That is your name."
 "That is my name?" He sounded incredulous. "What kind of name is that for
a person?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Funny, I always thought my name was
Steve. Well, change is constant. Why 'Doctor'?"
 "Why not?"
 Again, shoulders were shrugged. "I can't argue with logic that simple.
Who could? Who'd want to?" Tipping an invisible hat, he focused his grin
at Ranma. "As lovely as this conversation has been, I must be off. I have
an important appointment with a bridge. I'm jumping off it. Unless of
course you'd like to take my place. I think you'd do it well. You've got
the legs for it."
 "You can't go!" Ranma sputtered as he turned to leave. She didn't want to
kiss him, but she didn't want him to leave either. Perhaps she could get
him back to the restaurant.
 He frowned. "Can't?!? Can't?!? There's no such word as can't!" He spun to
go.
 "Would you do me a favour?" Ranma offered.
 "A favour? My dear, I would do anything for you!"
 "Stay here a minute."
 "For you, I'd even stay, but I must be going."
 "You can't go."
 He frowned. "I thought we discussed that already. This conversation grows
tiresome. Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you." He frowned
more. "With a little study, you could go a long way and I wish you'd start
now. But until then, I must be going." He spun to leave. Ranma held her
head. It was beginning to ache. "Don't go," she said quickly, "I've
something to tell you."
 Having taken a few steps, he turned back to Ranma. "Talk, talk, talk!
Sometimes I think I must go mad. Or have I? Who can say? How much would it
cost for you to stand on the wrong end of a shooting gallery?" Ranma stood
speechless, her jaw swinging loose in the breeze. "Come, come, you try my
patience. I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. Had I a horse, I'd ride it,
for I must be going."
 Julie, who'd taken a few wrong turns in her worried state, came round the
corner as the Doctor was turning away from Ranma. After the briefest of
mental battles, she ran to him, wrapped her arms around him and then
wrapped her lips around his. She pressed firmly, working the balm into his
lips. Fireworks exploded in her brain and areas of her body cheered as
they flushed with warmth.
 After what seemed like a brief eternity, she reluctantly released him.
The Doctor looked quite dazed. "Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African
explorer," mumbled he before passing out.
 Ranma looked impressed. "That was some kiss."
 Julie stood in a mild trance, a smile curling her lips. "My toes are
tingling." After a few more bliss filled seconds, she shook her head and
returned to the here and now. "Come on, let's get him back to the
Nekohaten." She grabbed his feet, Ranma grabbed his hands and off they
went.

 Akane and Shampoo entered the Nekohaten. Akane had bumped into Julie and
Ranma-chan on their return trip and then she'd gone off to track down
Shampoo. Having succeeded, they returned.
 "How is he?" Akane questioned as Cologne came into her view.
 The Doctor was lying on a table, eyes closed, hands folded. Were it not
for the slight movement of his chest, he would have looked quite dead.
Cologne stood near his head. "His aura has changed completely. It is the
wrong colour. It seems we were too late." Shampoo grew visibly nervous
upon hearing those words.
 Ranma, still in female form, was leaning against a nearby table, looking
sad and beaten. "It's all my fault. I should have done something with him
instead of standing there looking stupid. I should have just kissed him
quick and gotten it over with."
 Julie sat in a chair near the Doctor's feet. She also looked beaten. "No,
it's not your fault Ranma. We should never have asked you to help us in
the first place."
 The Doctor began to stir. He grunted slightly and began blinking rapidly.
Watching this, Shampoo tensed up. "He rise," noted she.
 Once his eyes were in a position to be open more often than not, he sat
up and smiled at the faces that stared at him. "Hello. I'd thank you all
for coming, but I'm not sure what the occasion is just yet." He looked
around, a gentle crease forming in his brow. "For that matter, I don't
recall my arrival here."
 "You were unconscious when you were brought in," Cologne informed.
 Still absentmindly looking around, the Doctor nodded slowly. "I expect
that would go a long way to explaining things."
 "How are you feeling?" Akane asked.
 A smile was directed her way. "Well, thank you. And how are you?"
 "I'm okay."
 Ranma's face began to brighten, as the thoughts that were beginning to
filter through Akane's mind strolled through Ranma's brain as well. "Has
anyone else noticed that the Doctor is acting rather normal?"
 "Normal?" A look of slight shock conquered the Doctor's face as his
attention went Ranma's way. "I should certainly hope not."
 "Normal for you," Ranma qualified.
 The shock went away. "Well, that's fine then." He grew puzzled. "Was I
acting abnormally of late?"
 Julie began laughing uncontrollably, as tension overtook her. Ranma
mentally crossed her fingers. "Doctor," said she, "Shampoo's right there."
 Politely, he turned and smiled at Shampoo, who was resisting the urge to
run. "Hello Shampoo. How are you?"
 "Okay," she said slowly.
 "That's good to hear." He tried to tip his hat, but was unable to do so,
as his hat wasn't there. "Where's my hat?"
 As Julie was fighting down her giggles, Akane answered. "In the TARDIS."
 "Well, what is it doing there?" he asked irritatedly. "And where is my
coat?" he questioned upon looking at his attire. "Are you having a game
with me?"
 "It appears the Doctor is cured," Cologne noted dryly.
 "He is!" Shampoo cried happily, her fear of him disappearing.
 "It appears this deep blue colour is the colour his aura should be.
That's not normal."
 "I happen to not be normal," informed the Doctor.
 "So, when you saw his aura changing, it was returning to normal?" Akane
asked.
 "It appears so. His normal aura conquered the altered aura. Perhaps he
purged the potion from his system."
 "Potion?" the Doctor questioned. "What potion?"
 Ignoring the Doctor, Ranma inquired further. "So all our chasing around
and the antidote was unnecessary because he fought off the effects of the
potion like a cold?"
 Cologne again answered. "It appears so."
 Ranma and Akane reeled in shock. Julie kept giggling, finding everything
terribly funny. The Doctor was growing cross. "Would somebody please tell
me what has been going on?"

-Fin-
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

     Certainly it was ridiculous, but that was the whole point, wasn't it?
     At any rate, I sincerely hope you have enjoyed this little tale,
spelling errors, bad grammar, over used storyline, and all. It was a fun
little diversion to write.
     As of yet, the book I've been working on forever (or at least it
seems like it), 'Tales of the Time Lord : SEASON 31', remains almost, but
not fully, completed. I hope that, by the end of summer, it will be
finished. This book is a collection of six Doctor Who fan fiction stories
which make up the 31th season of Doctor Who. 'Cursed Time' is one of the
six stories; this two part adventure is not.
     I have started work on the next RanmaWho story, which will likely be
another two part adventure. As of now, I have no completion date set, but
will zip it out to all who care as soon as it is done. The title (at the
moment at least) is 'Imprisoned'.
     Be seeing you,
     -Stephen M. Wolterstorff  7/8/1996

     'Doctor Who' and the TARDIS and trademarks of the BBC (1963, 1996)
and are used without permission.
     All 'Ranma 1/2' characters are trademarks of Rumiko Takahashi,
Shogokugan and Viz Communications (1996). They are used without
permission.
     Anything else is copyright Python Lord Productions (1995, 1996). It
is used with permission.
     Permission is granted to the reader to copy the file, and print the
file,  so long as  the file is not altered in any way (except for
correction of spelling errors, putting it in the font and size you like,
etc). This end note and the author's name in particular MUST remain
attached to the document. (NOTE: you may place this on an ftp or web site,
but, please tell me so I can go have a look at it. If you have a fanzine
and wish to print it, let me know. Thank you.)

     lorddoc@AOL.com
'Reality is living a life to fulfill your dreams'
Disgracelands - Therapy?