From: lorddoc@aol.com (Lord Doc)
Subject: [Ranma][XOVER] Love Potion #900

RanmaWho
Love potion #900
by Stephen M. Wolterstorff

     It was early morning. The sun's fiery redness had already faded to a
warm orange and soon enough, the sunrise would be complete. While the sky
was still ablaze with colour and the gentle breeze was warm, the air fresh
and invigorating, these facts cheered Shampoo up not one bit, not even a
tiny bit deep within her. Shampoo was depressed. A stranger, should he
chance upon her, would likely comment that it should be a crime for such a
lovely and attractive young lady to look so depressed. However, as there
were no strangers inside the Hekohaten restaurant, there was no one to
comment thusly. Shampoo just rested her head upon one of the tables and
sighed deeply.
     She rested there, not paying much attention to her surroundings. Even
a loud, steady 'clump'ing failed to grab her attention sufficiently to
make her turn and look. Only when an aged, but rich voice asked "What
troubles you child?" did she turn. It didn't surprise her in the least to
see the short old woman clutching a walking stick larger than herself,
balancing there. She knew the loud noise of before was this old woman
bounding around on her stick. "Ni hao great grandmother," spoke Shampoo
sadly in her high pitched girlish voice. "I sad."
     "That I could tell from observing you child. What is the reason for
this distress?"
     Shampoo sighed; a deep and soul wrenching sigh it was too. "I go,
help Ranma help Doctor but Ranma still no seem like Shampoo more." There,
she said it. Too bad she felt no better for saying it.
     Great grandmother Cologne chuckled. "Is that all child? I received a
package from China yesterday. Some of the herbs within should be able to
alter future son-in-law's mind somewhat."
     The flickerings of a smile played about Shampoo's mouth. "Great
grandmother not joke?" she asked with a certain hopefulness.
     "Of course not."
     Shampoo lept from her chair; a blast of happiness providing a
plethora of energy. "Hi ya!" she shouted.
     A young man wiping tables nearby could hold his tongue no longer. His
rag was flung into his bucket and he adjusted his impossibly thick glasses
in the hopes it would clear his vision somewhat. "You're going to make a
love potion, aren't you? How could you consider doing such a thing when I
am Shampoo's true love!" Such an outburst was unlike him, but it had been
building within him for some time. He had rather meant to be forcefully
staring down Cologne at this point. In his near blindness, he had turned
the wrong way and was facing a pot plant set against one wall of the
restaurant.
     Shampoo's hands found their way to her hips. "Mousse no Shampoo's
true love! Shampoo love Ranma!"
     Cologne, in a fascinating display of balance, somehow spun her stick
up to crack Mousse one in the head without her falling at all. "Don't you
have work to do boy?" Her words had a cold edge to them. For that matter,
the insides were rather chilly as well.
     Mousse turned around, believing Cologne had jumped over him and was
only now on this other side of him. "I'm not your slave," he mumbled.
     A glassful of ice cold water caught him in the head. Shampoo tried to
look apologetic, but was smiling far too much for anyone to believe it.
"Oops. Shampoo sorry."
     A pair of impossibly thick glasses weighted heavy on the head of a
highly cross duck, who grumbled loudly, and most likely foully, in duck
language. Cologne began bouncing away. "Once you've finished with the
tables, you've the restrooms to clean boy. I've a potion to mix."

     Consciousness came suddenly. Gasping for breath, she looked around
the room in a panic, at a loss to explain her whereabouts. As her mind
cleared, she recalled where she was and relaxed. After that, Julie laughed
at herself slightly for being so silly.
     She was in Akane's room, sleeping on a bedroll on the floor, like she
had been for the last week or so, ever since they'd returned from their
battle with the unfortunate Toki Dorobo. She preferred sleeping in the
dojo, in Akane's room, to bunking in the TARDIS. It was like a slumber
party. As she fought down a yawn, she glanced at the clock on Akane's
desk. 9:37. Hmm, Akane'll be at school already. Stretching, she got up and
got dressed.
     Julie staggered from Akane's room, feeling less awake than she would
have liked. She dragged herself down the stairs and through the hall. As
she passed the kitchen, she heard Kasumi call out to her. "Good morning
Julie. Will you still want breakfast at this late hour?" She smiled and
blinked innocently. There was no malice or sarcasm in her voice. There was
rarely, if ever, any malice or sarcasm in her voice.
     Julie blinked and squinted at her. Despite her best efforts, she was
less than steady and coherent at the moment. "Um, yeah, I will in a few
minutes. Do you know where the Doctor is? I want to ask him something."
     "He's in the TARDIS. After he ate, he said he was going to fix the
scanner screen I believe. He should still be there."
     "Thank you."
     "You're welcome. Shall I call you there when you're breakfast is
ready?"
     "That would be great, thanks." Kasumi stepped back into the kitchen
and Julie staggered away, wondering why sunlight was so bright. There
should be a law against sunlight being this bright this early in the
morning, she mused, it must be bad for the eyes. She squinted as a blast
from a window caught her in the face. Down the hall she continued.
     A yawn or two later, Julie was crossing the living room, heading for
the back door which led to the garden where the TARDIS sat. Reaching the
porch, she stepped around the GO playing Genma and Soun. She was dimly
aware they were there, in the same way she had been aware of the furniture
in the living room so that she didn't bump into it. The extent of her
acknowledging their existence was her not walking into the game board,
Soun, or the giant panda Genma. She said no greeting, neither did they.
Julie walked for the TARDIS; Genma's mighty paw clicked down a piece onto
the board. Soun grunted. Julie pushed the unlocked TARDIS door open and
entered.
     As far as Julie understood, from what she'd read and had explained to
her, the Gallifreyians had invented the TARDIS a few thousand years before
the Earth had existed, if she'd understood the dates right. The technology
involved was therefore far beyond any she'd ever seen before in her life
in Milwaukee Wisconsin during the late twentieth century. She still found
that a slight thrill of excitement went through her when she stepped
through the door of an obsolete, blue London police box and found herself
in the console room of the TARDIS, a room that was at least ten time
larger than the outside structure would suggest. And this was but one room
in hundreds, maybe thousands, or even millions. The TARDIS fascinated her.
     The centrepiece of the console room was, logically enough, the six
sided, vaguely mushroom shaped console. One side of the console, the side
directly opposite the door, was dismantled. A hat was barely visible over
the edge of the console. Julie smiled and walked over towards the bobbing
hat. As she grew near it, the hat raised up further, displaying the chap
it was connected to. The Doctor was grumbling.
     A long tan trenchcoat covered most of his kneeling body. His black
slacks and shoes were barely visible protruding from the end of his coat.
As he twisted, reaching for a part on the floor, a white Oxford shirt with
red question marks on the collar and a red vest became visible inside the
coat. He was young looking despite his one thousand plus years. The Doctor
looked mildly grumpy. "I just rebuilt the entire console a scant few
months ago and now the scanner screen is already malfunctioning."
     Julie cleared her throat. "Morning Doctor."
     Apparently, he didn't hear her. "They don't make things like they
used to. Shoddy third rate Draconian merchandise. It isn't worth the
grotski I paid for it."
     After a puzzled, but understanding look, Julie tried again. "Good
morning Doctor."
     Her greeting fell upon deaf ears. "Don't know why I bother fixing
some of this stuff. It malfunctions so often I'm used to it not working
more than working."
     Julie pushed the hat over his eyes. "Yo, Doctor!"
     He readjusted his hat and smiled up at Julie. "Hallo Julie. Did you
sleep well?"
     "Yes thank you. Something occurred to me just a little while ago."
     "Really?" He tried connecting a module to some wiring in the console
and gave it a cross look when it didn't work.
     "I don't speak Japanese."
     The Doctor grunted and fiddled with the module, trying to get it to
work. "I could have told you that. What, may I ask, is your point?"
     "We're in Japan."
     He smiled up at her, a roguish twinkle lighting his eyes. "I'm glad
you noticed. You're more observant than I thought."
     Julie inhaled, trying to control her growing irritation. Rather
obviously, the Doctor was in one of his goofier moods. "If we're in Japan,
presumably around people speaking Japanese, how can I understand them?"
     The Doctor tinkered with his wires again. "We're dubbed."
     This statement caught Julie off guard. Feeling less than intelligent,
she responded, "Huh?"
     "Small joke," he admitted. "Extremely tiny." Temporarily giving up on
the scanner screen, he stood and gestured all around him. "It's the
TARDIS."
     "I know it is, I've been here before."
     "No, no, no. The TARDIS is the main ingredient in the mix that helps
you understand Japanese, or any other language we come across that you
don't normally speak. The TARDIS databanks hold most of the languages
known to exist." He paused, rubbing his chin. "For some reason, it likes
to delete French. I have to reupload it altogether too often. At any rate,
the TARDIS telepathic circuits help make it possible for the TARDIS to
translate all the input you see and hear into a form, a language you
understand."
     Julie blinked at him. She knew the TARDIS was an amazing, if
occasionally faulty, machine, but this was truly impressive to her. "The
TARDIS can do that so fast that I can carry on a conversation and neither
side notices it?"
     "Thought travels faster than sound," the Doctor reminded. "Which
doesn't explain how so many people speak without thinking." He paused.
"Did you talk to anyone on the way here?"
     "Kasumi."
     "All right then. When Kasumi spoke to you, she spoke in Japanese. You
heard Japanese. Before the impulses reached your brain, the TARDIS read
the electronic impulses and translated them to English, so you'd
understand. When you went to answer her, the TARDIS interrupted the
impulses of your thought so that you spoke in Japanese. Actually, we're
speaking English now, but whenever we talk to anyone else out there, we
speak in Japanese. The TARDIS is so smooth you don't realize it and you
think everyone speaks English."
     Julie stared. "Wow."
     "Wow indeed."
     Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the outside door.
"Hello?" asked a sweet voice.
     "We are inside Kasumi. Feel free to join us," answered the Doctor.
     Julie smirked. She found a strange twisted pleasure from watching the
expressions on the faces of others entering the TARDIS for the first time.
To the best of her knowledge, none of the Tendos or Saotomes had seen the
inside of the ship yet. The Doctor had promised them a tour early on but
had failed to give said tour yet. Kasumi's reaction should be a good one.
     Kasumi stepped inside and stood in the doorway in her customary
stance: straight with good posture and her hands down before her apron.
She smiled cheerily. "Breakfast is ready Julie." In no way did she look
out of place.
     Julie was disappointed. Kasumi didn't look bothered. Somehow, it made
sense. Kasumi wasn't the sort of person who went to emotion extremes.
"Thanks. I'm coming. Do, ah, you find anything interesting about the room
we're in?"
     Kasumi stopped smiling because it was necessary for her to do so if
she wished to open her eyes. She looked about the room as if trying to
find what Julie was referring to. "I really like the way its decorated.
Those round indentations are very lovely."
     The blood began draining from Julie's face. This was unreal.
     The Doctor just smiled, amused by the whole situation. "Well, seeing
as how Julie's having breakfast, I believe I shall take a break from my
work, especially seeing that I'm having a problem getting it to work at
the moment."
     Kasumi flashed her wide smile again. "Would you like some tea while
you rest?"
     "That would be delightful." Spurred on by the promise of tea, the
Doctor ushered the young ladies from his TARDIS.

     Shampoo had far too much energy for her own, or anyone else's, good
at the moment. She bounded around the Nekohaten, barely occupying herself
with some minor chores while she waited for her great grandmother to
finish her potion. Her mind filled with all the things that she and Ranma
would do once he wised up and realized he loved her. She was almost
literally bouncing off the walls.
     Cologne clumped into the dining room, viewing the over active
relative of hers. "Relax child."
     Shampoo twisted, grinning madly, to face great grandmother. "Great
grandmother finish potion?"
     "Yes." A small vial appeared in her outstretched hand. Shampoo moved
to take it, which caused Cologne to pull the container back to her.
"Listen first, child. My instructions are very important."
     Shampoo changed her posture and attempted to look as attentive as
possible. "Shampoo listen."
     "The potion is in powder form, as that will be the easiest way to
introduce it to Ranma's system. The best way to make him ingest it will be
to mix it with some sort of beverage, as it should be undetectable that
way. If we were to mix this with most foods, he would notice a change in
flavour. Do not let him know you mixed this with his drink; knowing
son-in-law he would then refuse the drink. Be careful, but stay nearby for
a time after he takes the drink; if he can see you, it will reinforce the
message his hormones are trying to tell him." Finished, Cologne gave
Shampoo a wary look, assessing how much of this information had sunk into
her head. "Do you understand child?"
     She nodded furiously. "Shampoo understand. Shampoo visit Ranma after
school. Give him potion then."
     Suddenly, the vial was flying in the air toward Shampoo. Surprised,
but not totally caught off guard, she caught it easily. "Go then." Shampoo
scampered off.

Part 2

     "Alright now. What we need here is a one take shot. This is the most
expensive stunt in the whole movie and we don't dare do it twice. I mean,
it's not like we can't do it again if necessary, but it will be so
expensive..."
     He stopped abruptly when the man next to him noted "Wang, you are
babbling."
     Wang blushed a bit. "Just nervous. You know how I get before these
big stunts."
     He nodded and smiled reassuringly. "We can do this. We're good at
this sort of thing."
     Wang smiled nervously. "I know Sing Long, I know. I'll be in the
trailer, covering my eyes in terror until you are done. Okay?"
     He just smiled. "I understand. This won't take long." Sing Long
turned to face his film crew. "Everybody know what to do?" As a whole, the
group nodded. "Good. Let's do this."
     To say timing was a part of this stunt was like saying tea was a
drink the Doctor liked; it seemed to be an understatement, no matter how
much you meant it. Sing Long was going to be hanging onto the roof of a
speeding car. As the scene begins, the car goes around a corner, where a
tyre would blow. Out of control, the car would careen down the street with
him still atop it. Just before it would crash into a truck and explode, he
would jump off that car onto a car moving in the opposite direction and
from that car, to the sidewalk. He could do it too.
     "Action!" The tyre exploded. The car began to spin and weave.
Gritting his teeth, Sing Long held onto the car for all he was worth. He
glanced up at the truck the car was going to hit and almost had a heart
attack. A young man was standing where the car was going to be in a few
seconds, looking around at his surroundings, apparently very lost.
     He knocked loudly on the roof of the car, trying to get the driver's
attention so that, hopefully, they could abort the stunt and not kill this
young man. The car tyres squealed as the driver fought to get the car
under control for the few seconds he would need to swerve out of the way.
The young man looked at the car approaching him. Stupidly, he didn't move.
     Sing Long jumped, even though the car he was supposed to jump to was
nowhere around. He managed to get a grip on an awning, slowing his
momentum somewhat before his hand slipped and he fell to the pavement.
Quickly, ignoring the pain in his legs, he turned to watch the fate of the
young man.
     The car was heading right for him. With it seconds away from impact,
the young man raised his umbrella. Shouting loudly, he slammed the
umbrella down on the hood of the car. He buried the front end in the dirt
before him. The car came to an abrupt halt.
     Sing Long was amazed, and mildly angry at this young man from ruining
their work. He hopped to his feet and dashed to the young man's side. "You
stupid fool. What were you doing in the street like that? You could have
been killed!"
     "I am sorry," he responded with an accent. "I am a little lost. Could
you tell me where I am?"
     "You're on Major Street."
     "What country is this?"
     "What country?" Sing Long was incredulous. "You don't know you're in
Hong Kong?"
     "That explains it. I'm looking for the Tendo Dojo, but that's in
Tokyo. Could you point me towards Japan?" Stunned, Sing Long automatically
pointed towards Japan. "Thank you." As determined and as lost as ever,
Ryoga Hibiki headed for Japan.

     Julie was beginning to feel bored and the thought occurred to her
that what she was doing was actually rather stupid. The Doctor had
returned with her to the Tendo dojo. Julie had eaten her breakfast while
the Doctor had begun his 'brief' break. He worked on his cup of tea and
clicked on the television to occupy himself for the time. That had been
hours ago. She realized she didn't even know what time it was anymore.
     Julie had done a number of things that day: had a bath, helped Kasumi
make lunch, organized her closet in her room onboard the TARDIS. Every
time she'd popped her head inside the living room, the scene was
unchanged: the Doctor sitting frozen before the television while Genma and
Soun sat on the porch playing GO. As near as she could tell, they hadn't
shifted from these positions all day. Calling them single minded seemed
kind. She had been in the living room for the past hour or so, picking and
strumming on her guitar. A song seemed to be forming in her head, but she
wasn't sure yet. The fact that she was watching the male denizens of the
room more than concentrating on her song bothered her. Surely she had
better things to do than watch them. She hoped so at least.
     The door leading to the hallway opened and Kasumi, smiling as per the
usual, entered the room. "It's getting warm. Julie, would you care for a
drink?"
     Julie smiled back. "No thank you Kasumi. I'm fine."
     Undeterred, she stepped into the room a few more steps. "Father, Mr.
Saotome, would you like something to drink?"
     They were deep in concentration and they did not answer immediately.
Slowly, they began to shake their heads 'no' in unison.
     Kasumi turned to face the Doctor. "Would you care for something
Doctor?" Deep in concentration, watching the television, the Doctor
grunted. "Iced or hot?" The Doctor grunted twice. "Hot tea then." Smiling,
Kasumi left the room. Julie watched her go. Kasumi was an odd one. She
attempted to return her attention and full focus to her guitar and not to
the Doctor or the anime he was watching. This 'Tenchi' programme was
interesting . . . no! Focus on the song!
     A few minutes later, a loud stomping filled the house. The sound made
Julie look up from her guitar. She recognized the noise; Akane must have
had a bad day.
     Akane Tendo came stomping into the room, her face twisted in anger.
Her eyebrows were angled into a 'V' shape, her mouth turned as far down as
possible without her lips leaving her face, her eyes bulging fiercely. She
looked at Julie with no malice toward her, but with her angry aura washing
over Julie all the same. "Hi!" said Akane loudly. Julie winced slightly.
She knew Akane was trying to control her temper and she wasn't angry at
her, but it stung all the same. "Hello," Julie replied calmly. "Bad day?"
she questioned, not really wondering if she'd had one or not, but
attempting to get her to talk about it.
     Akane sat on the floor next to Julie, her legs and arms crossed
before her. She simply radiated anger. "I don't know who Kuno thinks he
is!" she noted loudly.
     Julie pondered this. "He probably thinks he's Kuno." Akane directed
the evil look at her, causing Julie to smile protectively. "Just a joke."
     Akane seemed to be about ready to explain the reason for her mood
when Ranma stepped into the room. A controlled smirk was on his face. "Hey
Akane. I didn't know Kuno was into skirt lifting, did you?"
     Julie saw the anger flare on Akane's face like lava spouting from a
volcano. "Ranma no baka!" The slap echoed through the room, but Julie
seemed sure she was the only one not involved in the slap that heard it.
Akane stomped off to her room. Ranma stood there, red slap mark easily
visible on his face. "I should have expected that," he announced dryly.
     A few questions streamed through Julie's mind. Why had the TARDIS not
translated Akane's statement? Why had Ranma, with all his skills, not
dodged Akane's slap? Kuno did what? "Yes, you should have. You should have
known better by now," she retorted.
     Ranma sat down. He grinned and pointed a thumb back at himself. "Hey,
I don't know better and don't plan to learn."
     Julie rolled her eyes. "What's this about Kuno?"
     "Well, it was an accident really, Kuno's not the kind of guy to
actually mean to lift a girl's skirt. He moved to swing at me with his
bokkun and he caught her skirt in the swing. She got embarrassed."
     "So that's a good reason to tease her : when she's angry and
embarrassed and upset?"
     Ranma's expression went somewhat blank. "Can you think of a better
time?" While Julie stared at him in near disbelief, he sighed tiredly and
an exhausted look manifested itself on his face. "Man, Kuno put up more of
a fight than normal."
     "Were you defending Akane's honour?" Julie checked.
     Ranma blushed slightly. "No," he retorted quickly, altogether too
quickly.
     Julie smirked. Ranma might be an excellent martial artist, but he had
a lot to learn about the War of the Words. "Sure you weren't," she
taunted. "And the Doctor doesn't drink tea, right Doctor?" The Doctor
grunted before laughing briefly. "Ah, that clever Washu," he mumbled.
     Ranma bounced to his feet, about to yell how he'd never defend an
uncute tomboy like Akane when he realized his shoulder had connected with
something. He turned and discovered he'd tipped over Kasumi's tray and
spilled a cup of tea. "Sorry Kasumi," he said, his anger draining away in
a moment of shame. Julie smirked. Point for her.
     Kasumi smiled, obviously not bothered at all. "That's all right
Ranma. Would you like something to drink? Some lemonade perhaps?"
     "Some juice would be nice, if we have any. I don't really care for
lemonade."
     "Not a problem." Kasumi strolled off. Ranma went to sit back down
when he caught a glimpse of the Doctor's intense stare. A commercial was
on and the Doctor was using the free moment to give Ranma a very Hard
Stare. Ranma eeped in surprise upon seeing him like this. The Doctor was a
nice guy, but he was really weird sometimes. 'You spilled my tea,' he
seemed to be saying. Very intense. Carefully trying to avoid the stare,
Ranma sat.
     Julie was trying her best to restrain a grin. There was something
about the Doctor's personality which seemed to be able to defuse Ranma. No
one else she'd met could do it so quickly, not even her. Julie marked it
down to the Doctor's insanity.
     Rather suddenly, noise came from the roof and then down to the porch
bounded Shampoo. "Ranma!" she cried excitedly. In her energetic leap to
Ranma's side, she inadvertently knocked over Genma and Soun's GO board.
Genma looked at Soun. Soun looked at Genma. Without a word, they began
picking up the pieces and restarting the game.
     Ranma cringed slightly as Shampoo attached herself to him. It had
been a rough day and while there was nothing wrong with Shampoo in and of
herself, she tended to get him into trouble. His nerves were too frayed to
be able to handle anything from her today. "Ni hao Ranma," said she,
snuggling her head into his chest. He looked gently faint.
     Shampoo was proud of herself for being so patient. She had waited on
the roof for an hour and a half and had kept from entering the dojo until
Ranma had talked about a drink. Ranma was so pleased to see her he was
speechless. Great grandmother will be so proud of her; Ranma is so off
guard now, he'll never notice anything odd about his drink. In the
meantime, enjoy the situation. She nestled even closer to him.
     Julie found this mildly amusing. She liked Ranma, thought he was an
okay guy and all, but she felt he had too much of an ego and he treated
Akane pretty crummy. (For that matter, it was a good thing Akane had left
the room; if she could see this, she'd start breaking things.) Anyway, she
liked seeing him get the short end of the stick now and then.
     Kasumi entered the room, bearing a tray, again. Two glasses sat on
the tray this time, as opposed to the one of her previous trip. "Oh, hello
Shampoo." Shampoo took a brief moment away from her cuddling to smile up
at Kasumi and greet her. Kasumi was set to distribute the drinks when the
phone rang. "Oh!" Caught off guard, she set the tray on the nearby table
and hurried off to answer the communications device.
     Shampoo glanced around the room behind Ranma's back. She'd have to
hurry; Ranma would recover soon and Kasumi wouldn't be gone long. Mr.
Tendo and Mr. Saotome were fully occupied with their game, they wouldn't
notice. The Doctor was engrossed with television. Julie couldn't see her
and she was fiddling with her guitar again. Shampoo's right hand gave
Ranma's side a good squeeze to distract him while her left hand spilled
the potion into the closest glass. A thrill of anticipation ran through
Shampoo as she hid the vial in a place most would not search in, Ranma in
particular wouldn't search there. Unfortunately. Now things would start
rolling.
     Julie's strumming stopped as Kasumi returned. "Who was it?" she asked
curiously.
     "A wrong number. They were looking for the Moroboshis. Our numbers
must be very similar; we often get calls for them." Kasumi picked up the
tray and handed out the beverages. Both glasses were identical. Ranma
thanked Kasumi and tried to arrange Shampoo so that he could drink. The
Doctor actually turned and smiled at Kasumi when she handed him his tea.
     Ranma and the Doctor took a drink at the same time.
     They also began choking at the same time.
     "Oh my," Kasumi said, looking dismayed.
     "Just swallowed wrong," both explained simultaneously. After
speaking, they stared at each other, as if trying to figure out why the
other had spoken the same as they.
     Ranma downed the rest of his juice. "Well, I should be practising,"
he announced, untangling himself from Shampoo. Julie noted, almost with a
note of dismay, that Ranma's ego seemed to have returned to normal level.
He was no doubt trying to ignore all that had happened to him of late and
return to 'cool'.
     The Doctor finished his tea with a prolonged 'ahhhh'. "Excellent tea
Kasumi," he burbled, returning the cup to her tray. "Even better than
normal." He clicked off the television, which was behind him, with his
foot. "Should get back to work. Now, if I were to . . ." His words were
lost in a cloud of mumbling. He and Ranma left the room at about the same
time, headed in opposite directions.
     Shampoo was so excited. "I so happy!" she exclaimed, not really
caring who heard her. "I come back in hour." She bounded out of the dojo.
In her excitement, she kicked over the GO board again. Genma looked at
Soun. Soun looked at Genma. With no emotion on their faces, they began
resetting the board. Again.
     Julie was quite sure something had happened and she'd missed it; some
big punchline to all these little amusements she'd just witnessed, but she
didn't know what it was just yet. Kasumi caught her eye and she realised
that there was the slightest hint of confusion on Kasumi's face and she
was directing her gaze towards Julie, as if hoping she could explain.
Julie shrugged her shoulders. Accepting this answer, Kasumi left. Julie
returned to her guitar. Maybe it would all get answered later.

     Deep in thought, the Doctor strolled straight into the TARDIS, not
noticing the sun set, as beautiful as it was, nor the gentle scent of
flowers in the air of the garden. He was wrapped up in the puzzle in his
head.
     His head began to hurt. The Doctor grew curious. Had he risen too
fast? Was this a head rush? He analyzed his situation, investigated his
pain. Strange.
     The console room began to spin around him. A heavy sickness washed
over him, making him quite queasy. He gagged. Someone had poisoned him,
but who? Why? Blackness sought to overtake him and he struggled to fight
it off. He would not, COULD not pass out now. Too much remained
unanswered, too little was explained.
     His brain was on fire. Every joint ached. He stumbled blindly towards
the interior doors. He managed a thought: get outside for help. Three
steps in the direction of the exterior doors later, the blackness took him
for its own. Although he lay on the floor, it could be truthfully said
that the Doctor was not in.

Part 3

     "Dinner is served." Kasumi's words shook Julie from her trance. She
had become one with her guitar and hadn't noticed the passage of time. As
she set aside her instrument, she noted Genma and Soun were actually
leaving their GO board and approaching the table. Shocking.
     "Julie?" She looked up at Kasumi, giving her the attention she had
requested. "Would you go get the Doctor please? He's still in the TARDIS."
     "No problem." Julie smiled at her and then stood.
     "I'll come too, if you don't mind." Akane entered the room, herself
responding to Kasumi's declaration of dinner. Her demeanor was bright and
cheerful, a distinct contrast to that seen earlier.
     Julie thought about Kasumi's reaction, or lack of it, earlier this
morning and how Akane was likely to react. Her grin grew wider. "I don't
mind at all. Let's go." They walked past Genma and Soun and were soon in
the back garden. "You look like you're feeling better. It's like you've
forgotten all about this afternoon with Kuno."
     When Julie noticed Akane again, she realised her teeth were very
clenched, her smile very forced. "I'd forgotten all about that. How . .
kind of you to remind me." Julie winced internally. Obviously, this was
still a sore spot. Whoops. Luckily, they arrived at the TARDIS, that would
distract her. Julie pushed the door open. "After you." Julie smiled as she
followed Akane inside. She was going to enjoy this.
     This time, Julie was not to be disappointed. Akane was staring at her
new surroundings, her jaw loose and her mouth open. The console room was a
fascination to her. "Wow."
     Julie removed her attention from Akane and noted that the Doctor was
not in. His trenchcoat was here, draped over a chair, and his hat was
here, set atop the central column inside the six sided console, but of the
Time Lord himself, there was no sign. "Hmm. Not here," she noted aloud,
being observant.
     Akane was still staring. "Wow."
     A section of the console was still open; the wiring exposed. The
Doctor was still working on the scanner, well, when he was here, Julie
considered. "He's probably off looking for a part he needs," Julie
reasoned. "We'd better leave him a note."
     This snapped Akane from her daze. "We're not going to look for him?"
She sounded very dismayed.
     "I don't knew where he is inside; it would take too long to find him.
Remember Wednesday?"
     Akane cast her mind back. "What about it?"
     "Do you remember seeing him that day?"
     "No, not really now that you mention it."
     "He was off looking for a part. He was gone all day in there," she
informed, gesturing towards the interior door.
     "Wow."
     "Personally, I'm too hungry to want to search too hard for him now."
Julie fished pen and paper from the pockets of the trenchcoat and wrote a
brief note which was placed on the console. "He'll see it there. Come on,
I'll bring you back later."
     "That's a promise, right?" They left the TARDIS and returned to the
dojo. A crouched figure watched them from the dojo rooftop, waiting until
they were gone from view. Then, he lept away.

     Julie slurped up a noodle and released a soft, satisfied sigh. "So
Ranma, did Shampoo come back yet?"
     Ranma was holding his bowl before his face, so his eyes were the only
part of his face that was visible. His eyes were questioning. The bowl was
lowered, he swallowed, and he asked "Back?"
     Julie was impressed; he didn't even sound slightly afraid. "She said
she'd be back in an hour. I was just wondering if she had been, because
the hour was up a while ago."
     "Ranma," Soun gasped, "you don't have a date with Shampoo, do you?"
He grew teary eyed.
     Ranma gave him an odd look and tried not to get overwhelmed by the
emotion Soun emitted. "No, of course not."
     Genma had finished his supper and crossed his arms before him. "Good.
You're getting lax in your training boy. I've some extra exercises for you
to do starting today."
     "I'm getting soft? What about you old man? Sitting here all day
playing GO and I'm getting soft?"
     "We were training."
     "Training?!?"
     "Of course. Anything can be turned into training if you're as wise as
we are. We've been training our bladders. We haven't been to the bathroom
in two days." He patted his belly with pride. A curiously pained look came
across his face and he, rather suddenly, dashed off.
     A look of cool superiority came over Soun. "Weak."
     Kasumi was collecting the emptied dishes from the table.
Accidentally, she bumped into Soun, somewhere around the kidneys. "Sorry
Father." His eyes grew wide and he dashed off.
     As Soun departed the room, Shampoo entered it. Seeing as how there
was no game board to knock over, she merely leapt to Ranma's side in one
mighty leap, making no mess. Her sudden appearance did surprise Ranma, but
he managed to stay on the ground. He did notice a hint of fear in her
large eyes. That was certainly unusual. "Shampoo!"
     She stared at him momentarily, as if searching for something. Then,
she asked "Ranma love Shampoo yet?"
     Julie began to fan herself with her hand. It had suddenly grown
warmer in this room. Then she glanced to her left and understood why.
Akane was fuming next to her. She even appeared to be glowing slightly;
well, at least she looked much redder than normal.
     Ranma was now fully thrown for a loop. While Shampoo was the sort to
ask questions like this, there was something in the manner by which she
asked this question that made a cold hand clutch his bowels. It was by no
means a pleasant feeling. "W-w-w-w-why do you ask?" he eventually
stammered.
     It seemed that, in Shampoo's mind, this in itself was a response.
Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. "It true then. Great
grandmother be upset. I fail again." As suddenly as she arrived, she
departed.
     For a moment, all still in the room stared at the door. Nabiki spoke.
"Anyone get the feeling we were told the joke and they left out the
punchline?"
     Julie cleared her throat. "I was." The chopsticks in Akane's hand
shattered. Ranma just kept staring, bug eyed, at the door. What had gotten
into Shampoo?
     Kasumi, of course unaware of what had just happened, took this moment
to return for the last of the dishes. A barely noticeable bead on
concentration disturbed her otherwise smooth brow. She spoke as she
collected dishes. "Julie, would you please go and see if the Doctor is
back yet? I'm worried since he hasn't eaten yet."
     "Well," Julie began, "if he is in a busy working mood, it would be
quite possible for him to have missed the note. If you want me to check on
him, I'll check on him."
     The wrinkle disappeared from Kasumi's brow and her smile returned to
its normal warmth. "Thank you Julie." She, along with the last of the
dishes, went to the kitchen.
     "I'll come with you." Julie turned and saw that Akane was fighting
her emotion, trying to get it under control. The result was a very forced
smile. Julie was of the opinion that she could label that emotion as
'jealousy', but knew better than to refer to it as such to Akane's face.
It wouldn't be a good thing. Julie stood. "Let's go then." They did,
leaving Ranma still staring at the door, and Nabiki watching how silly he
looked.
     The console room was as they'd left it about an hour or so ago. The
coat was still resting on the back of the chair. The hat was still on the
column. The note did not appear to be disturbed either. Julie investigated
these things. Akane wandered about the room, drinking in every fascinating
detail.
     A sigh emanated from Julie. "I dunno if it's okay that everything's
the same as before or not. It seems he hasn't been through here again,
which would explain why he hasn't returned for dinner, but is it good that
he's on another extended trip, if he is on an extended trip?" This was
confusing.
     Akane carefully pushed open the door which led deeper into the
TARDIS, curious to see how much bigger the ship could be. This action led
to a rather important discovery. "Julie," said she, "isn't this the
Doctor's shirt?"
     Julie cast a befuddled eye over the white Oxford shirt with red
question marks on the lapels that Akane held before her. "It, it certainly
looks like it." A mental image of a shirtless Doctor flashed through her
brain, causing her to flush slightly. "I can't think of any reason why
he'd take it off."
     "Neither can I. He doesn't seem like the sort of person who walks
around shirtless, does he?"
     Julie smiled weakly. "No. He may not be extremely neat, but, if he
was going to change his shirt for a clean one, I'm sure he'd send this one
through the wash. I've got the feeling something's wrong with him."
     Akane nodded, placing the shirt atop the trench. "I agree."
     "What if he's hurt or sick and lost in the TARDIS? He could take ages
to find."
 The prospect began to depress Julie visibly.
     "Couldn't you trace him using the console?"
     "Yes. If I knew how to use that part of the console I could." She
sighed. "Given time I'll probably be able to figure it out, but if he's
ill we may not have that sort of time." She pondered briefly. "I say we
tell the others. We'll get them to help. I'll stay here and work on
figuring out the tracing function and everyone else can help search."
     "What if we get lost looking for him?"
     "One of the lockers in this room has some walkie talkies I think. We
can use them to help get around. We'd better tell the others."

     Upon hearing the news, that the Doctor was quite possibly ill and
wandering lost in the TARDIS, the other residents of the dojo had varied
responses.
     Kasumi, rather predictably, was worried. "We had better begin looking
for him right away. If he's not well, it's likely because he's not eating
right. He could be unconscious now from missing dinner. He must never have
recovered from Wednesday."
     Nabiki just stared at them. "You're reacting to a shirt? It doesn't
seem like much evidence." She stretched. "If the TARDIS is as big as you
say, he's probably just off on another trip."
     "Then why did he take his shirt off?" Julie queried demandingly.
     "How should I know? He'll tell us when he gets back. I'm sure he has
a reason."
     Soun and Genma sat near her, their arms and legs crossed, trying to
look dignified. Soun chose to speak. "I tend to agree with Nabiki. Your
fears seem to be based on precious little actual information." With a
grunt and a nod, Genma indicated he agreed.
     Akane grumbled so that they couldn't hear. "Oh, they just don't want
to help look, that's all."
     Genma opened his eyes and looked at Akane, making her wonder if he'd
heard her. "The Doctor is intelligent and crafty. If he needs assistance,
he will find an obvious way to let us know."
     "Maybe he has," Julie insisted.
     "If we are debating it," Soun noted, "it cannot be obvious, can it?"
     "Well, I don't care what you say. The Doctor's weird, but he's a nice
guy," Ranma stated. "I'll help look for him, just in case. He'd do the
same for me."
     Julie smiled. "Thank you Ranma."
     He smiled back. "Besides, if the TARDIS is big, it might take a long
time to check. I might have to miss school." Julie and Akane gave each
other a look. They should have known there'd be a catch.
     Julie looked at the situation positively. Their force had doubled in
size, that was a good thing. "Well now, here's what I had in mind . . ." A
loud gasp from the yard made her stop in puzzlement. No one should be out
there, so who was? Everyone turned to look.
     As the evening had grown chilly, the door to the garde had been
closed upon Julie and Akane's return. Still, two figures could be
discerned through the 'window' areas of the door. "Ah! The lovely Shampoo.
How joyous that we should meet again so soon!"
     "Please go away. Leave Shampoo alone."
     "That's obviously Shampoo," Ranma needlessly pointed out. "The figure
of the shadow alone tells that much."
     Akane fumed slightly. "Oh, so you've studied Shampoo's figure enough
to pick it out in silhouette?"
     "I'm not blind. It's somewhat easy to notice."
     Julie interrupted them before the fight could get too advanced. "But
who is that with her?"
     The mystery figure continued. "Leave? How could I leave the side of
one as beautiful as you? The sky would weep. The heavens would shout my
foolishness. The gods would throw tomatoes at me and call me vile names. I
could never leave you Shampoo. We might be physically separated for brief,
agonizing periods of time, but I will never have left you, my dear."
     Nabiki sat up. "It's the Doctor."
     The very idea filled Julie with a certain dread. "It can't be. He's
not romantically inclined in any way. I know. I checked."
     "The voice sounds like his," Nabiki retorted, "the accent is his,
even the shadow and his word choice are his."
     "But it can't be," she protested, sounding quite pitiful. "It just
can't. He wouldn't go out without his hat." Julie had begun grasping at
straws.
     Shampoo was protesting again. "Shampoo need time to self. Must think
about things."
     Her fellow shadow bowed. "How could I turn down a request like that?
Unpleasant as the prospect might be, I shall depart your side for a time.
Until that blissfilled time when we see each other again, I bid you
adieu."
     Shampoo exhaled as he turned to leave. Her shadow looked defeated.
     Suddenly, the other shadow turned back to face her. "I shall not
depart in peace unless this is done." With surprising speed, his arms were
wrapped around her and his lips were wrapped up with hers, in a passionate
sort of way.
     Everybody gasped.

-To be Continued-

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

     Greetings all! Some of you may remember me, I released a small number
of Eighth Doctor stories about a year ago. This story is a direct sequel
to the last story I uploaded, 'Cursed Time', which saw release about a
year ago. It mixes two very different series, Ranma 1/2 and Doctor Who,
together. This is the beginning of a brief subseries of my Doctor Who work
which will likely not be done for some time. This is very much a side
project sort of thing. The second part of this story will be released in
approximately one months time (which is when I hope to be able to make an
announcement regarding a certain, oft delayed book...).
     According to the history of the universe where SEASON 31 (the
collection of stories that my earlier releases are part of) is the
broadcast episodes of Doctor Who, this 'RanmaWho' series is a Japanese
Anime OAV (Original Animated Video) series. After the success of SEASON 31
(due to the live action Ranma crossover story) in Japan, further
adventures featuring the Time Lord and the Ranma characters were called
for, and the animation studio responsible for past Ranma work was only to
happy to supply them. The video was originally released in Japan, in
Japanese. When dubbed in English for American release, the actors who play
the Doctor and Julie in the 'real' Doctor Who series provided the voices
for their characters.
     Please note that this story (and the paragraph above this one) are
not meant to be taken too seriously. Please enjoy the story and relax.
It's just fun (I hope).

     Thank you for your time. I hope you enjoyed this. See you in a month.

     Stephen M. Wolterstorff  5/26/1996

(Actually, part two is 'Who loves Shampoo?' and I'm uploading it now as
well. SMW 8/24/96)

     'Doctor Who' and the TARDIS and trademarks of the BBC (1963, 1996)
and are used without permission.
     All 'Ranma 1/2' characters are trademarks of Rumiko Takahashi,
Shogokugan and Viz Communications (1996). They are used without
permission.
     Anything else is copyright Python Lord Productions (1995, 1996). It
is used with permission.
     Permission is granted to the reader to copy the file, and print the
file,  so long as  the file is not altered in any way (except for
correction of spelling errors, putting it in the font and size you like,
etc). This end note and the author's name in particular MUST remain
attached to the document. (NOTE: you may place this on an ftp or web site,
but, please tell me so I can go have a look at it. If you have a fanzine
and wish to print it, let me know. Thank you.)

     lorddoc@AOL.com
'Reality is living a life to fulfill your dreams'
Disgracelands - Therapy?