Ranma 1/2:Episode 999--FROM HELL! Presented by Antony M. Hernandez (P-Chan) with more than a little help from ZACH HELKE <-----Cool dude And all the rest of the crew at: Distorted Perceptions Animation Fan club DEDICATION To Matt Groening and Lynda Barry,and not Rumiko Takahashi,for inspiring me to write this. Rumiko always leaves off the end of every episode with a HOKEY ending,so now I'm bringing Ranma 1/2 some justice. (please,put down t he UZI!!!) PART 1 "P-Chan!!! Dokudano?!? P-CHAN!!!!" Akane had been looking for her pet pig for 4 months already,looking in all the possible nooks and crannies,everywhere from the boys bathroom at Furinkan High School (Konou has just recently been released from therapy) to the metal pipe in the back of the Moroboshi residence where Cherry lived,and is now six feet under since he told Ranma that YOU HAVE THE MARK OF DOOM ON YOUR FACE! SOON WHAT YOU TREASURE MOST WILL BE STRIPPED BY ONE YOU ADMIRE LEAST! "Ranma!! P-Chan's been gone for 4 months! You scared him away when both of us were taking a cold shower together!! How dare you barge in like that!!! Have you no respect??? RANMA NO BAKA!!!" Again,Akane had yelled at him. P-Chan was gone,and their relationship was crumbling...Ranma had to get Ryoga back,to get back with Akane again and to stop this animocity,even though Ryoga is the only legitimate threat to Ranma and Akane's wedding. But now since their wedding plans were about to be dissolved there was nothing he could do. Still,Ranma harbored affection for her,her angry sweaty face,short bluish-black hair,red miniskirt and skintight Ramones T-shirt kept Ranma in line. Ranma-Kun:Err...Uhh...Akane,we've had this talk two nights before! I HATE TO BREAK THIS TO YOU:P-SKEH IS GONE.(Grins,trying to hide it,but then recomposes himself) Akane:WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING AT??? Ranma-Kun:Uhhh.. Akane:AH HAH! YOU SOLD HIM TO SHAMPOO AND OBABA AT NEKOHANTEN! YOU BUTCHERED P-CHAN!!! Ranma-Kun:Akane--Don't jump to- Akane:I'VE HAD ENOUGH!! YOU KILLED P-CHAN!! YOU BUTCHER! (BGM:Smiths:Meat is murder) HE'S PART OF SOMEBODY'S FRIED RICE NOW, ISN'T HE!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! RANMA!! I HATE YOU! OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER! Christopher Boyce: That's right! Meat is still murder! Animal Liberation begins in your stomach! Ranma-Kun:Hey,I'm Ranma Saotome,who the hell are you?? Bart:HEY! That's MY line! Christopher Boyce: Thrssp! Gotta run..Say,what did you do to P-Chan? Sold him to science? Shame--Vivisection is a crime against the innocent- Do you know do you know do you know? Mars:HEY! That's MY line! Ranma-Kun:SHUT UP! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE??? WELL,I DONT CARE! TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN! Chris,Bart and Mars:OoooOooo! Ouch! Aghk! Arrg! Owch! Erg! You'll see my lawyer! Don't have a cow,man! You could have been in my next movie! Akane:Who were all those people? Anyways...DAMN YOU RANMA! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. Ranma-Kun:Uhhh...I hate to end your endless belittlement,but I see another of those lamers coming.. Akane:But it's.... (BGM:Social Distortion:Take away this ball and chain) Akane and Ranma:RYOGA!!! Ranma-Kun:B-b-b-b-b-but he's CHANGED! Sure enough,Ryoga has..His shirt is no longer a yellow K-Mart special, but a tattered fuchsia and aqua Guess,and a leather jacket drooped over it, tattered and worn with road dust. His head band is still the same,but old Bausch and Lomb Ray-Ban sunglasses now hide his peircing eyes.Ryoga now wears knee-high Tony-Lama boots and good ol' American Levi's,complete with a copy of Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" dangling out of his back pocket.His backpack remains the same,and a tatoo of Akane is on his right arm,partially obsucured by the short sleeves of his leather bomber jacket..Taking off his sunglasses.. Ryoga:Hi.....Man. Ranma-Kun:Ryoga...Where have you been? Ryoga:I was lost....and I found myself... Akane:But...Ryoga-Kun,we don't understand..Where? Ryoga:Out there....I found myself on the highways of America.. Ranma-Kun:America? By the look of your bloodshot eyes..It looks like you've been hit by a truck out there in America.. Ryoga:No...Now I am one with it all..(BGM: The Doors: The End) I have achieved a greater level of conscience,and I have accepted my destiny. I am at peace with myself and my world,and my body has been purged of my impure thoughts.. Only the ones that matter remain..Now I have only one confession to make... Akane..I LOVE YOU! I love you with all my heart. I would die for you Akane, and don't say you never loved me..I always say that gleam in the corner of your eye when you looked at me..When Ranma would be off in god-knows-where with Shampoo or Yukio or Kodachi.But I would always be there for you...And you never realised it... Akane:Ryoga-Kun.... Ranma-Kun:HOW DARE YOU,RYOGA! Ryoga:Yes...Akane! I LOVE YOU! (Embraces her) Akane:Oh...Ryoga.. Ranma-Kun:RYOGA!!!! Ryoga:Yes,Ranma,I remember when I was like that,always getting mad at your affection towards Akane...But now you are not at peace with yourself--and I am. Peace,Ranma. If Akane loves you,then she will admit it now,as I am one with the earth and I don't need such material gains...Especially something as rich and beautiful as you,Akane. Akane:Ryoga....Ranma...Ry-Ryoga..You were so.. Ryoga:Shy? That has changed. I have learned in the United States that, when it comes to you,I have everything to gain and nothing to lose.. Well,except a friend...Ranma...Will you be at peace with me? Ranma-Kun:Ryoga! (Calming down) I-I-ahh.. Akane..A- Akane:Yes...Ranma...Do you love me? Ryoga:If he loves you he will admit it. Ranma-Kun:Uhh...Uhh..Ahhhh.. Akane:SPIT IT OUT YOU TWERP!!!! Ranma-Kun:I-uhh...Ah.. Ryoga:And what will you be when you are married to Ranma? Just a housewife... Looking after his unworthy children. But NOT MY WIFE! I have learned,while in America,about the Women's Liberation Movement. Akane and Ranma-Kun:Huh? Ryoga:That's right,Akane.You won't have to slave and toil for my children.We will do everything equally.You will cook and clean one night and I shall do the rest. You may get a job at one of those big Japanese corporations buying America and work your way up,just like a man does. And I can do my fair share too! Sure we will contribute to the delinquency of our children by destroying the hallmark of the family unit but at least you won't be a slave...And you won't waste your life toiling in the kitchen for me..You will serve me,and I will serve you,we will each pull our own weight and each other. We will become one.Akane...Will you marry me? (At this he pulls out a diamond ring with a stone the size of a cue ball)(BGM:U2: The Sweetest Thing) Akane:Oh..Ryoga...YES! Ranma-Kun:>GASP!< Ryoga:I love you,Akane. Akane:I love you Ryoga.. (Ranma runs off back to the dojo,pathetically crying his eyes out.) Akane:Ranma......Er,Ryoga...How the hell did you get that diamond? Ryoga:Well,in my backpack.. >ZIP!< Akane: >!< Ryoga:Yes,count it all! That's TWO BILLION YEN!!! Akane:Ryoga! I can't believe it! How did you do it? Ryoga:Well,it was strange in America. I was cold and hungry one night living in a cardboard box in New York,so I broke into a store and shoplifted a three-piece suit. When I went out to look for a ramen shop the next morning I got lost again and wandered into this big building called "N Y S E". I didn't know what it was so I just went in with my suit and started shouting, "I WANT RICE! I WANT RICE!". All these crazy Americans gave me a bunch of pieces of little paper. I didn't want all these little tickets and wanted something to eat so I sold them to a man in the back of the building. He bought them off of me for ¥3,000,000,000!!! Can you believe it? Akane:What happened to the other billion? Ryoga:You're wearing it! It cost me about 6 million American dollars,so I hope you love it..Because I love you... Akane:Oh Ryoga...What do you intend to do with the money? Ryoga:This is over 14 million American dollars..I was thinking you might want to live in America with me? I heard that's enough money to live there for two or three months. What do you say me and you have a honeymoon on Route 66? After all,the Americans have just won a war and our money is depriciating very fast against the Dollar and the Pound. If we cash in now we can get a lot mo' fo' de' do'. Akane:WAITAMINNIT!! This is all happening very fast! What about Ranma? Ryoga:Well,here he comes.If you want to back out from our marriage now I won't object. I'll do whatever you say,Akane. WHATEVER,my love. Akane:......I...I...I.................I.........(The suspense is killing you, isn't it?)................ I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,RYOGA-KUN! (Akane's mind flashes through all the good times with Ranma,but she quickly subdues this.) Ranma-Kun (Holding a bucket of water):RYOGA! IT'S ABOUT TIME AKANE LEARNS THE TRUTH! Ryoga:Go ahead,Ranma. The fact remains I will still love Akane,and she will still love me! Akane:What truth? Ryoga:I have to come clean with you..Akane..I am P- >SPLASH!!!!!< P-Chan:WeetWeetWeetRweetWrrrggheeeeeet! Akane:OH MY GOD! Ranma-Kun:Heheheh! How's your lover now? Akane:So that explains it all! Ranma-Kun:So,Ryoga! How does it feel?!? Akane:.....the bandana.... P-Chan ("Wreeting" in Morse code!): No,Ranma. Akane loves me for who I am! Akane:...the way he would pass out when I smothered him in my D-cup.. Ranma-Kun:I don't think so! Akane:...those weird white crusty stains on my sheets...... P-Chan:I'm telling you she LOVES me... Ranma-Kun:Yeah RIGHT! Look at what she's saying! She DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE! Hmph! That's what you get for trying to steal MY woman! Akane:CHOTTO! "My" woman? "MY" woman! Listen up,you trans-sexual poof, I am not ANYBODY'S WOMAN! I AM ME AND THAT IS FINAL! C'mon P-chan (lifts Ryoga up), lets go to America and forget that I ever saw Ranma Saotome!(Picks up Ryoga's sack,remembering all the embarassing and frustrating times with Ranma.) P-Chan (Again in Morse):No,Akane! I'm Ranma's friend! I want him to be my friend! I want him to be at peace with himself! Ranma! There are many women who still love you. Shampoo will make an excellent wife,and so will Yukio and Kaori. I dont really know about Kodachi... Ranma-Kun:Ah....Ryoga.(Calming down,Ranma tries to speak,but he can't. He still lacks the courage to admit his true feelings.) Akane:(BGM:The Cure:Boys don't cry. Preferably the 1977 live version-and YES it does exist.) Me and Ryoga must go. The sooner we get to America,the better. (Akane and P-Chan walk into the sunset.P-Chan waves a tearful "Bye" to Ranma.) Soun:I CAN'T BELIEVE IT,SAOTOME-KUN! What could have come over Akane? Mr.Yamada:Y'know...That's a very good question. Soun:SHUT UP BEFORE I TURN YOU INTO A PLATE OF TEN DOLLAR SUSHI!! Genma:I really don't know,Tendo-kun.... Soun:I swear I'm going to KILL this Ryoga! Where is my pipe? Kasumi? DAMMIT! WHERE IS SHE? Genma:I hope Happosai isn't messing with her in the bath again...Oh! She's at Tofu-Sensei's! Soun:Good! I'll give her a call! Ring..Ring...Ring.... Answering Machine:Hello,you reached the offices of Doctor Tofu actupuncture and chiropractor.I am presently with Kasumi right now. We are watching "Chibi-Maruko-Chan". If you have any messages,please leave them after the beep. Thank you...BEEP!! Genma:"Chibi Maruko Chan" my foot. Girls like Kasumi ALWAYS have the most skeletons in their closets! Soun:HEY! WATCH IT!! Genma:Sorry! (Your name):It's okay,really! Genma:I know,(Your Handle),I know...Thanks! Zach Helke:ANTONY!! Don't drag the reader into this!! Antony Hernandez:I know,I know! Genma:Anyways...If Akane has ran off with that homeless horror,what is to become of the Tendo Dojo??? Soun:There is no other choice...Ranma must marry NABIKI or else!!! Nabiki(listening in):>GASP!< Later that day... Genma and Soun are sitting in the foyer or the Tendo Dojo as usual,playing a game of Mah-Johng (Sparrow Dominoes) while Happosai irons his panty collection while Kasumi just acts like her usual self....A rip-off of Donna Reed.... Genma:What is there to do? Akane's gone with that swine,and Kasumi's knockin' Tofu-Sensei's boots.. Kasumi:huh? Soun:HEY! Watch it!! Genma:Well,Tendo-kun,what shall we do? Soun:Well....There is no other choice...Ranma will have to marry....NABIKI. Nabiki(Entering from her room):Didja call me,dad? Soun:Yes daughter...I must tell you something very important...How would you like to marry Saotome-Kun? Nabiki:Genma? Genma:NO! My son! Nabiki:Heheheh...Ranma?!? RANMA?!? Genma and Soun:Exactly! Nabiki:Yeah,right. Ranma-Kun(Coming home from Furinkan High,looking depressed):Hi guys.. Genma:Ranma... Nabiki:Don't listen to him... Genma:Since Akane's gone.. Ranma-Kun:(Bursts into tears-BGM:The Cure:Pictures of you.) Soun and Kasumi:Smooth move,man. Genma:Ranma...Stop crying...God...If you cry any more you're going to turn into a girl,now stop it! Ranma-Kun:>SNRK!<...What...Dad... Genma(Cheerfully):How would you like to marry Nabiki? Ranma-Kun:NANI???? Nabiki:What is right. No way I'm marrying him.. Genma and Soun:But you must! Isn't he cute? Ranma? Isn't she cute? Ranma-kun:Yeah...I'm cuter.. Nabiki:Yeah right. Keep dreaming,switch-hitter. Ranma-Kun:Oh yeah...(Turns on the faucet in the sink)...>SPLASH< Ranma-Chan:(Unbuttons her shirt) Who is top-heavier,dome head? Besides,you owe me a million Yen! Nabiki:I DO NOT! Ranma-Chan:This from the extortion queen of Tokyo! Gimmie a break! Nabiki:Shut up or I'll get you drunk and take pictures of you naked and print them in a "Dojin Manga". Ranma-Chan:You wouldn't dare! And you better shut up or I'll tell the school the time you gave Konou a time to remember! Nabiki:I DID NOT! Happosai:All right! Nabiki puts out! (Running towards her) NABIKI-CHAN! >CRASH< Happosai:R-R-Ranma...N-N-Nabiki...Get your feet out of my ears....Ouch! Soun and Genma:Where have we gone wrong? Kasumi:I dunno...But it sounds like the beginning of a beautiful friendship... Bogey:HEY! That's MY line! * * * * * * * * Meanwhile,in a "love hotel" outside of Furinkan. Ryoga:How...was it? We're supposed to smoke cigarettes right now. Akane:Zzzzzz.. * * * * * * * * The next day...We find our hero walking down the street. Ranma-Kun:I can't believe it! They want me to marry Nabiki! No way! Shampoo or Yukio or Kaori or Kodachi or even Azusa but not NABIKI! (Your name):Cheer up pal,I'm here to help! Ranma-Kun:Oh great,it's that lamer,(Your Handle). (Your name):Man,I'm no lamer. If it wasn't for that real cool guy Antony Hernandez I wouldn't be here. I'm here to help,that's all! Ranma-Kun:Well....I'm not in the mood for anybody's help. (Your name):Well..That's cool. But if you change your mind,call the Miskatonic BBS at US area code (213) 404-6363. Use my name and my sub is called the Anime and Manga Ryokan!! Ranma-Kun:I won't forget. Zach Helke:Hey Antony,what am I,chopped liver? Antony Hernandez:Sorry! Just wanted to make this story interesting! Ranma-Kun continues to walk down the lonely road....Until he comes across.. Ranma-Kun:NEKOHANTEN RESTAURANT! Meanwhile,at the Konou estate. Kodachi:Don't stick that thing in my mouth,brother! I'm afraid I might choke on it! Konou:Would you rather I stuck it up your rear,sis? Kodachi:NO! Konou:Okay then...Open wide and under your tounge..It'll only take four minutes! Kodachi:Brother,can't you stick it my armpit? Konou:Armpit? Who ever heard of such a thing? Kodachi:A lot of people do it like that all the time. Konou:Well...I dunno if this thermometer can do that. When the hell are you going to get over this flu? Antony Hernandez:Heheh,(Your name),you thought Konou and Kodachi were doing something else? Heheh. Go wash your brain with soap,heheh. Yeah,that be like brainwashing! Heheh. LOL!! Sasuke:Konou! I have bad news! Konou:Quiet,you foul maggot! My sister is ill! (5 minutes) You may speak. Sasuke:Akane has ran of with RYOGA! Konou:RYOGA! I SHALL KILL HIM! Kodachi:Of all the times to get sick...When Ranma-Samah is free from that foul wench! (ANNOYING LAUGH) Konou:I WILL KILL THIS RYOGA IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! Meanwhile outside of Nekohanten Restaurant: Shampoo:Don't be so glum Ranma...You'll always have me.. Ranma-Kun:Yeah... Shampoo:Ranma.. Ranma-Kun:What? Shampoo:At least say something! I love you,dammit! I always have! But you never let me know how you felt! You always brushed it off! And when you told me you hated me,you would then try to cheer me up when I started to cry! And when you told me you liked me (BGM:The Smiths:There is a light and it never g oes out) you would brush it off as nothing ever happened! (Getting really teary eyed) Where do you stand,Ranma? Is it because I'm a cat,and you hate me for that,isn't it? Well whatever it is,consider the truth:Akane's gone! She's GONE! GONE! GONE! GONE! And I'm the only girl on this world that sincerely loved you besides her.(Totally breaks down) Antony Hernandez:Gawd,isn't this dramatic? Zach Helke:SHUT UP! Ranma-Kun:Shampoo... Shampoo:Ranma.. (They embrace,Ranma cleans off Shampoo's tears) Mousse (Goose):Quack Quack Quack Quack! Shampoo steps on Mousse,silencing him for awhile. Ranma-Kun:Oh Shampoo.. Shampoo:Oh Ranma.. >SMOOCH< (With tongue,no less!) Obaba(Looking out of Nekohanten's front window):I can't believe this is happening... Shampoo and Ranma-Kun engage in perhaps the best liplock in Anime history, better than the Misa/Hikaru smooch,better than the kiss in that one Urusei Yatsura episode,better than that neat little oral bodily fluid exchange between Ladios Sopp and Fatima Lachesis at the end of Five Star Stories, better than those perverted "Kisses" in Urotsuko-Doji,and yes,better than all those pecks in Orange Road and Maison Ikkuku.And everything is fine in the universe,except a slight drizzle is felt on Ranma's head..He feels the usual swelling on his chest,but the sensation on his mouth is what hits him ...Soon the other tongue in his mouth becomes small and bristly,and Shampoo's warm inviting face becomes soft and furry... Ranma-Chan:AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shampoo(cat):Nyan! (Meow,you fool!) Obaba:Yeah..I guess it was too good to be true! Ranma Chan runs down the street,not even looking back.. Antony Hernandez:Gee,I think Ranma got a little pus- Zach Helke:Don't even THINK about telling that corny joke here! Meanwhile at the love hotel,Akane and Ryoga lie in ecstasy with each other. Akane:Did you fart? Ryoga:No! Akane:I can't believe I lost my virginity to a guy who gives his girls dutch ovens! Ryoga:Okay! It was the Ramen! Akane(Getting teary):I can't believe what I just did! Ryoga:It's okay! American women yell at their men all the time! Akane:NO! You are so American,uncouth! I loved Ranma! But you used your hippie-mumbo-jumbo bullshit to tell me what I wanted and you USED me and seduced me! (Crying profusely,BGM:Soft Cell-It's a mug's game) I still love Ranma! I hope he still loves me! Ranma! (Runs out the door) Ryoga:WAIT!!! AKANE!!! I LOVE YOU! AKANE!!!!! Ryoga runs out the door.... On the streets,Konou stalks revenge.... Konou:Ryoga....Soon you will die! Back at the Hotel,Akane storms back inside... Ryoga:AKANE! You've come back to me! Akane:Yeah right,I just forgot to put my clothes on! Ryoga:Eeeeehhhh.... Akane:I hope Ranma still loves me! Ryoga:Are you sure you want to go through with this? Akane:Yes....Ryoga....I'm sorry... Ryoga:No,Akane..I should be sorry...I took advantage of you...My meddling could have spoiled your chances with Ranma.. Akane:Ryoga....(BGM:New Kids on the Block:Step by Step) Ryoga:Dammit! Who the hell put that BGM on? Turn off that music! Antony Hernandez:Sorry! Zach Helke:Man,why'd you pick that BGM in the first place...I'm putting on the Peppers.. Antony Hernandez:I thought it was the Cure,man! Sorry! I left my glasses at my house! Jeez! Here's the Cure. The Peppers don't fit the mood. (BGM:The Cure:In Between Days) Akane:I'm sorry Ryoga...What me and you had was a one-night stand. I'll always love you,Ryoga,but I love Ranma more and now I realise that..I took me this night with you to realise that. Ryoga:I know you'll always love me. Ryoga goes to the bathroom and fills the tub with cold water. He then plunges in... P-Chan:Weet! Akane:Oh,Ryoga.. * * * Akane walks down the street with P-Chan in her arms,longing for yet another glimpse of Ranma. Just as the sun rises in the light drizzle,she sees Ranma weeping lightly under an electric mercury streetlight.Ranma,wiping her face and gently blowing her nose,looks up to Akane with longing eyes.. Ranma-Chan:A-Akane! Akane:RANMA! (They embrace tightly) P-Chan:WEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!! Akane:Oh my god! I smashed P-Chan! Sorry! P-Chan:Wrgtt! Ranma-Chan:So,P-Skeh...Are you treating Akane okay? Akane:Yes...But Ranma! I'm here because of you! Ranma-Chan:Me? Akane:YES! RANMA...I LOVE YOU! Ranma-Chan:A-Akane....I LOVE YOU TOO! Akane:I love you Ranma! I can't believe I acted so foolish! I almost lost you to Ryoga...Ryoga understands that I love you! P-Chan:Weet! Ranma-Chan:Oh Ryoga...Akane...I love you! (Tries to kiss Akane,but remembers that he is a girl.) Akane...I need some hot water. Akane:Yes! Azusa:Sarrato! P-Chan:WEEEEET! Akane and Ranma-Chan:Oh my god!!! NOT THEM!!! EPILOGUE-- Nabiki sits alone in her room,thinking many things to herself... Nabiki:Oh Ranma....I always loved you...Ranma...God how I want to be with you.. (BGM:Public Image Limited--Rules and Regulations) FIN End Part I Afterword... Thanks very much for actually taking time and reading our work. Sure Ms. Takahashi would have my testicles in a sling for writing this nonsense but so what....I'm happy and your happy,right? If you hated it,well you can write your own critique,or your own spoof. Remember you can call me a "Fan-Boy lamer" for spending soooo much time writing this,but then again,you actually took time to download this and read it--Who's more of a fan-boy now? Hmmm? Anyways--If you liked it,fine...If you hated it,fine..If the response is over-excessively good or bad then I will unleash Part II on the boards,and it's still in the works as we speak. Man is it funny! Yes I would like to hear from you...Write us at-- Distorted Perceptions P.O. Box 666 Robstown TX 78380 Got it? Good! I would like to hear your input,and if you send is a SASE (Self adressed stampted envelope) then you are GUARANTEED a reply. Sorry--Letterbombs and germ notes WILL be returned back to the sender! Why did I write this? Shit I don't know---Partly because it's summer and things get boring once school's out,especially forever,when you've just graduated like I did--And partly to make up for that TOTALLY LAME ASS STORY done by Joe Rispoli and that other queer. Akane-Kun? Yeah right,boys..Get real... And Zach,I didn't forget you this time..I'm sorry but if you're reading this then you got version 1.1 of this story,because an earlier version had some minor mistakes (one of them not giving you enough credit!!) and other such things not worth mention. If you're reading this,you got the version of the story I wanted you to read.Oh yeah Meridith,hiya! To Sean Hogan--If by some reason you're reading this then I'd like to take the time right now to give you a big warm HI!! You deserve it,pal..Now quit watching Urotsuko-Doji!!! Christopher Boyce:If you are readin' this then you're modem is obviously hooked up. Now get off your ass and leave me a message at Miskatonic or somewhere like that! Dartexpert(Vince):Don't say I didn't say "HI" to you. See you on Amiga Conn or Horse and Anvil! And last but not least to the AMIGA C-Net boards in Los Angeles. You guys have been great and I would be a son of a bitch to leave your names without mention--So here goes nothing:(All of them 213 Area code!!!) MISKATONIC UNIVERSITY 404-6363 HORSE AND ANVIL INN 782-9358 AMIGA CONNECTION 633-3590 THE GREEN ROOM 495-3109 DEAD POOL 383-6209 RIVER CONDITIONS 862-6933 When ya get there,tell 'em P-Chan sent ya! Remeber--Only AMIGA makes it possible,and we AMIGAMEN have to stick together!! Oh yeah---To those guys with newsletters and all that cool stuff. Sure you can reprint this--On TWO conditions--NOT A WORD gets cut out (Well,you can cut out the Afterword if you want) and you give credit to the authors Antony M. Hernandez and Zach Helke or Distorted Perceptions! Got it? Your Pal, Antony M. Hernandez (there is no H in my name!!)