QUOTABLES FROM “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’S” “WEEKEND UPDATE WITH SETH MEYERS” NOVEMBER 22, 2008

“Weekend Update” anchor SETH MEYERS – “The heads of Detroit’s Big Three automakers went to Washington on Tuesday to beg Congress for a 25 billion dollar bailout. While the heads of Japan’s automakers had sex with beautiful women and then slept like babies.”

MEYERS – “It was reported that Sarah Palin is close to signing a book deal worth 7 million dollars. The book could set a new record for most apostrophes. (STILL OF BOOK COVER ENTITLED “JUS’ TELLIN’ MY STORY”)

MEYERS – “Health groups are demanding that Phillip Morris withdraw their new product Virginia Slims Superslims Lights, which come in a lipstick sized pack of 20 cigarettes, that they say are ‘clearly designed to appeal to teen girls.’ Plus, while you smoke one, it talks to you about ‘Twilight.’”

MEYERS – “The Disney Channel group Cheetah Girls was removed from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade after semi-nude photos of one of its members appeared online. Although I don’t know why they’re holding the Cheetah Girls to a higher standard than Snoopy. (STILL OF SNOOPY WITH A BLACK BAR OVER CROTCH.)

MEYERS – “It’s been confirmed that the government is developing tiny, insect-like robots which would be used to spy on enemies and possibly attack them. So, sorry for ever doubting you, Gary Busey.”

MEYERS – “A new report shows that a large number of Americans are ‘alarmingly uninformed’ about the history of the U.S. and its founding principles. Experts say the number could be as high as 1 in 4. (SPLIT SCREEN STILL: McCain, Palin, Obama and Biden)

MEYERS – “Suri Cruise, the 2 year-old daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes tops the Forbes.com second annual list of ‘Hollywood’s 10 Hottest Tots.’ Which begs the question: What the hell is going on over at Forbes.com?”

MEYERS – “Ron Howard this week praised Angelina Jolie’s efforts as a working actress and mother of six, and complimented her for coping with such ‘huge undertakings.’ I have to agree, though this is the first time I’ve heard them referred to as ‘undertakings.’”

MEYERS – “Debby, the oldest polar bear in captivity, died this week in a zoo at the age of 42. Debby is survived by her two daughters, Cindy, Crystal, and her stepson, Kareem. (STILL OF A BLACK BEAR CUB)

MEYERS – “Ashlee Simpson-Wentz gave birth Thursday to a boy named Bronx Mowgli. As in ‘Hi Mr. and Mrs. Wentz, Bronx Mowgli got beat up at school again.’”

MEYERS – (RE: MADONNA’S DIVORCE) “This week a British court released a cougar back into the wild.”

MEYERS – “In an interview in the New Yorker, Prince reveals that since he joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses two years ago he has started leaving his gated community to knock on doors and preach the word of his Christian denomination. Finally creating an occasion to say, ‘Oh my god, hide, Prince is coming.’”